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What I am Learning About Me

Posted on March 19, 2013 by auburnchick

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks.

Last week, this was mostly due to a hectic schedule.

Not all of the blame can be placed on a to-do list, however.

There’s a little something called the “human factor” that took all of my best-laid plans for ourselves and threw them awry.

In the last two…well…make that three weeks, I have been lied to by a parent and another person who works in education.  I’ve also been put down, quite rudely, by someone I’ve tried desperately to respect but have sat more in fear of for the last four-plus years.  I’ve also been talked to like a kindergartner (not my words but my students’, who overheard).

Talk about confidence breakers.

Most of us carry many scars into adulthood.

Our childhood years serve as petri dishes for the cultivation of nasty viruses that work themselves into our hearts, corrupting our self images and scoring major blows to our self confidence.

I can’t say that my childhood was any more difficult than someone else’s, for when I’ve truly listened to another person, I’ve been ashamed that I thought mine was so bad.

But still.

I can’t make excuses.

I’ve got deep hurts.

Though I thought I’d been healed from them, and I truly think I have, small flashes of pain sometimes strike me when circumstances imitate those in which the original wounds were struck, much like phantom pain strikes a person who’s experienced an injury of some sort and recovered from it.

I’ve discovered recently that I really don’t get mad often anymore.

I used to have a temper.  When you’re the oldest child left to fend for yourself and your younger sister because your single mom has to go out and bring home the bacon on her own (and it wasn’t much bacon, let me tell you), you get scrappy.

As I’ve matured, I’ve grown out of most of my feistiness.

But…

When I’m lied to…

Well…

That just doesn’t sit right with me…

Especially by people I trusted.

What’s worse, though, is when working my behind off to earn the respect of others, I’m torn apart by inconsiderate comments.

I called Super Sis today, and she listened as I tried to talk my way through my hurt.

One of my sweet friends who I work with also called.

She’d witnessed the hurt I’d gone through today.

I think the reason why the latest round of Nathalie-bashing (as I see it in the midst of my hurt) cuts me so deeply is because God has been laying on my heart the need to stop indulging in so much chatter.

It’s not always productive.

Often, I get sick of hearing myself talk.

I talk a lot.

I know this.

The comments made today were said by someone who has never bothered to get to know me and who referred to this need that God has already brought to mind.

But the person did not say it kindly, as God would.

So, while I know I need to work on this aspect of my personality, I sit in judgement of myself.

Super Sis reminded me that God doesn’t judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves.

My friend later said the same thing.

Wow.

I think that my self-judgment is the reason why I’m struggling so much.  I question the words that come out of my mouth after-the-fact and chide myself for dominating conversations or saying what I think I shouldn’t have, believing that I’m reading more in a conversation than I ought to.

Ugh.

My friend then told me that talking is…

Ready for this?

A gift.

Um, really?

I wanted to tell her that she was just being nice, but I knew that wasn’t true.  She’s sweet, yes, but a liar?  Nope.

She has a quiet way of speaking the truth (something I should learn how to do).

A gift.

Hmmm.

She told me that not everyone has the words to communicate with others.  She reminded me of answers I’d provided during the day’s training and how easily the words had come to me.

She told me that she talks a lot too.

Really?

She’s always so quiet around me (maybe I think this because I talk so much).  She always defers to others.

She assured me that she’s a gabber too.

I guess what I’m starting to learn is that my talking is a gift.  What I’m recognizing, though, is that God is trying to tell me that I need to become better at discerning when to step back, close my mouth, and let others speak.  I need to choose my words more carefully so they’ll have more impact.

And that’s why the rude comments by the person today hurt so badly.

Poor timing?

Probably.

But God will use this too.

One final thing I’m starting to learn is the difference between reflecting and wallowing.

Yes, I have been upset about some of the situations that have come up recently.

Have they been of my doing?

No.

Have I been angry and hurt?

Yep.

Is it okay to be upset and talk about it?

Sure.

For a short time.

I so desperately do not want to be like someone I recently worked with who stayed miserable ALL THE TIME.

Why?

Because this person wallowed in the misery…choosing to stay there instead of pulling on big person pants and getting on with life.

I don’t want to be like this person, whom I have little respect for.

And so I wallowed…while I vented.

Like a pig cooling off in the mud he rolls around in, I gave myself time to do the same, succumbing to the filth that I named as anger and hurt.

And then I stopped.

Sure, I’m blogging about it.

Why?

To come back to later…

So I can see my growth.

I’m 42 years old.

I’m never too old to learn as I discover this person I’m constantly evolving into.

Filed under: This-n-That | 1 Comment »

How a Teacher Destresses After a Stressful Week

Posted on March 17, 2013 by auburnchick

Oh.

My.

Goodness.

What a crazy week I had…so much so that I only blogged on Wednesday.

I had every intention of getting up and working on Saturday.

Every intention.

Before I could, though, I was awakened to a text message from my friend, Barb.  She forwarded a picture of our sweet, young reading teacher, “T,” who is also one of our basketball coaches.  He genuinely likes his students, and they are responding to his instruction.  Well, he’d studied and studied, and on Saturday, he awoke at 3:30am to drive to BIG CITY, Florida to take a certification exam.

He PASSED!

Hoorah!

I sent him a congratulatory message and got out of bed to get ready.

The only thing besides work that I had planned for my day was my nail appointment.

I had soooo been looking forward to it because Barb was going to be there as well.  It was going to be our chance to chat since we only get five or ten minutes at a stretch during the school day.

I’d seen something on Pinterest and, much to my nail tech’s chagrin, presented it to her.

She was actually happy with my choice.  Did you know that nail techs don’t like to do the same design on each nail because it’s too hard to make them look identical?

I’m so glad she told me!

I let her do her thing, and here’s what the finished product looked like…

Very Easter-y/Spring-y, eh?

After Barb’s nails were done, we headed out.

I’d told Barb that my Fred Jones money had been included in Friday’s paycheck, and I wanted to spend it.

You remember Fred Jones, right?  I blogged about him a few weeks ago.

I received a whopping $195 for attending the 12-week classroom management training.

What does a girl who works between 80 to 90 hours a week purchase with a check like this?

That, my friends, is Running Water Sorrelli.  I bought it to match the bracelet and earrings that the Mr. bought for me two Christmases ago.

I’d been ogling the necklace ever since, but the price was too hefty.

Barb had called one of our friends.  She owns a boutique downtown with her sisters.  Our friend had this necklace in stock…along with a lot of other pretty bling.

I still had some moolah left over because the necklace wound up being a bit cheaper than I’d expected.

And our friend had some bling that was half off.

And it was Auburn bling…

So…

Yeah.

Another splurge.

Oh.

My.

My wardrobe this week will only include items that I can wear my new bling with.

BUT, my day of fun wasn’t over.

Barb deposited me back at the nail salon, where I’d left my car so we could ride together and chat it up like good friends do.

She had another social engagement to attend.  She’s very social, you know.

Me, not so much, but I’m getting there.

I ran into the nail place to show off my bling (and explain why I was back).

Then, I went home.

BUT, I kept looking at my toes.  With the warm weather on Saturday, I’d been wearing sandals, and my green toenail polish that had matched my St. Patrick Day’s nails from the previous two weeks was clashing with my newly painted nails.

So…

I called the nail salon and asked if they had time for a pedi.

They did.

I apologized to the Mr., who had been stuck at home taking care of the dogs…

And off I went.

My nail tech has got to be one of the most patient girls around.  She asked if I wanted to have the same colors, and I said yes, but that I trusted her with the design.

She had a bit of fun, as you can see…

While I was at the salon, a couple of friends walked in, so we chatted it up for a little while.

Then, it was time to return home.

I was dreading it because I had a huge stack of grading to do…

I was energized, though, and spent the next four hours grading while watching a variety of DVRd shows that stretched back WEEKS.  I try to collect as many grades as I can to help my students out.  My tests are notoriously difficult because it is my goal to prep them the best for FCAT.  As such, it leaves me with tons of grading…especially when I don’t get to it the week before (oops).  My para had organized all of alphabetically, by class, for me.  God bless her!

When all was said and done, here’s what I was left with…

I’ll tell you what.  Spending the majority of the day playing…indulging myself…was what any doctor would order for a stressed out teacher who is doing her best to do right by her students.

Onward to another week…one that will be busy and somewhat stressful but offers up Spring Break as its pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Filed under: Teaching | Tagged: , , , | Leave a comment »

Betting on the Hodgepodge!

Posted on March 13, 2013 by auburnchick

Hola bloggy friends!  It’s time for Joyce’s Hodgepodge, and she’s cooked up some creative questions this week!  Play along by answering on your own site and linking back up with Joyce!

1.  Do you play games of luck/chance for money? Have you ever played bingo for money? Visited a casino?  Placed a bet on a horse? Bought a lottery ticket?

I live in Florida, which has a lottery.  We have bought a ticket for each of the two drawings per week, using the same numbers each time, for years.  We’ve won a little bit of money here and there but, obviously, not the BIG payout.  I’d be retired if we had.  We’ve played Bingo for money when we’ve been on cruises and have gotten quite lucky.  I also visited a few casinos when we trekked out to Vegas several years ago for one of Chicky’s soccer tournaments.  I don’t like casinos though.  They are smokey and just not my favorite place to be.  I’ve never bet on a horse.

2.  Will you be preparing and/or dining on the traditional Corned Beef and Cabbage meal this St. Patrick’s Day? Mashed-baked-hash browned-french fried…your favorite way to have potatoes?

I’m not much into traditions…especially those that involve eating meat since I’m a vegan.  I’m not sure what St. Patrick’s Day will find the Mr. and me dining on…probably take-out.

3.  What’s the last thing you felt ‘green with envy’ over?

I’m not a jealous person, but I will admit to a bit of the green stuff last week when a co-worker began describing how she planned to execute a lesson plan.  She’s a new teacher at my school this year, and she’s FABULOUS.  She’s young, and this is her third year teaching, just like me.  I felt envious because her ideas came pouring out of her in a seemingly effortless manner.  It’s difficult for me to not covet that ability that I see in others.

4.  What’s at the end of your rainbow?

A big old pot of yarn is at the end of my rainbow along with a comfy chair and a good movie.  I don’t want for much in my life.  🙂

5.  March 12th marks the anniversary of the death of Anne Frank (June 12, 1929-March, 1945).  Anne’s diary detailing her time spent hiding from the Nazi’s during the war ranks as one of the best selling books of all time.  Besides your blog, do you keep any sort of diary or journal?  Was this a habit you developed as a child or is journaling something new for you?

I kept a diary when I was younger, but I do not do anything besides blog nowadays.

6.  What’s an item in your home or closet that contains every color of the rainbow?

I cannot think of a single item that contains all of the colors of the rainbow.

7.  Write a limerick with you as the subject.  You can do it!!  Just remember this is a family friendly blog…don’t make me get out my wooden spoon.

There once was a teacher of reading
Her students, she spent hours pleading
To pick up a book
That would act as a hook
To a life free from wanting and needing.

8.  My Random Thought

This week is halfway done.  When I began the week, I had two observations to endure and a Reading Endorsement lesson plan to film.  As you’re reading this, I have probably completed the second observation.  The first filming will be done on Thursday morning, and if all goes well, I will send the DVD in to my instructor with my fingers crossed that it will meet the specs required for the video portion of this class.

When I look back a couple of weeks ago, I remember how sick to my stomach I felt.  This is probably the most stressful time in a Florida reading teacher’s life.  I’m pushing my kids so hard.  For one of my classes, I’ve added the extra burden of these observations and video recordings.

Can I just say that God is so good and has blessed me with one of the most amazing classes I could ask for?

My fourth period class deserves a HUGE shout out.

When I told them about the observations, they grew excited.  Why?  Because I also told them about my lesson plan idea…a debate.

This class has some very unique personalities.  I never, ever know what kind of class period we’re going to have as I try to manage both the curriculum and the vivacious kids.

They are chatty.

Sometimes it seems like they’ll never settle down.

BUT…

They are so supportive.

They came into my classroom strangers.

They are all now very good friends.

The best part is that on Monday, when we laid the foundation for the next day’s lesson…the one that would be observed…they were crazier still, and I was stressing.

They assured me that they would be on their best behavior.

They made good on that promise.

Oh.

My.

Word.

I wish you could have seen the looks in their eyes.

They were determined to do me proud.

They were so eager to please.

One little girl even made a hand motion to me to relax.  She did this out of sight of my principal.

My kids accomplished more in that one lesson than my other two classes combined.

When a teacher gets observed, he/she can do everything to prepare.

The lesson plans can be polished to a perfect shine.

The technology can be set up with colorful, animated graphics.

But…

The one unknown is always the kids, who bring with them the emotional stuff that teenagers just can’t seem to get away from.

All I wanted, as my principal walked through my door, was for him to see my students as the amazing kids that I already knew them to be.

My job was only to showcase their talents because, in the end, the teaching isn’t about what I can do.

It’s about what THEY can do.

I am humbled to be able to do what I do.  It truly is an honor.

Filed under: This-n-That | Tagged: | 9 Comments »

We’re Onto You

Posted on March 10, 2013 by auburnchick

This afternoon, the Mr. received the following text from Chicky (her comments are in blue)…

She was trying to be smooth…asking without asking, if you know what I mean.

The Mr. was good.

He played along.

But he didn’t cave.

She took it well.

Good thing.

We’d just treated her to a few new items of clothing when she’d come home for Spring Break last week.

It’s Rooster’s turn this week.

Maybe next time, Chicky!

😀

Filed under: children | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

Round 2 of Spring Break

Posted on March 9, 2013 by auburnchick

Ok.

I know I am being a terrible blogger right now.

I usually live for my writing…putting aside other tasks to pen my posts.

But…

This job of mine has been EXTREMELY demanding of late.

I honestly didn’t know how I was going to see my way out of this past week.

Can I just say that God is merciful?

That He is!

I’ve been prioritizing…focusing on the things that need my immediate attention, and that has helped lift some of the stress.

Still though, even as I write this, I know I have two observations coming up this week.

One will not be too big of a deal, but I still want my class to make a good showing.  Although it won’t affect my performance rating at my school, I want to showcase my students and, quite honestly, their amazingness (that’s not a word, but it’s my blog and I can do what I want).

The other is my second observation by my administrator.  My principal will be coming in to watch my students and I do our thing.

My kids have already been prepped.

They know they’ll get cupcakes later in the week as a reward.

They’re awesome anyhow, but they also know that they are very special…hand-picked by me to do their thing for the top dog.

I’m also going to video the first of the three lesson plans I wrote for my Reading Endorsement.  If it turns out well, I’ll send it in and keep my fingers crossed that my instructor approves it.  I only have to have one filmed lesson plan approved to meet that criteria for this final class I’m taking.

Meanwhile…

Chicky was home part of this past week for her Spring Break.

She left on Wednesday.

Rooster flew in…well, okay…he drove in…Friday evening.

Happy Dance!

When he was thirty minutes out, he called.

“Mama, um, I just wanted to give you a heads-up that three more guys are on their way to stay at our house tonight.  They just need a place to sleep before they leave in the morning for their camping trip.”

Rooster had already planned to bring home one friend.

So I had thirty minutes to prep for five young men.

I did what all exhausted school teachers do at the end of the day and didn’t stress one little bit.

As Rooster told me, they’re college guys.

They don’t need frills.

The Mr. ran to Walmart and stocked up on a few supplies…food, that is.

We don’t keep much in the house now that we’re childless nine months out of the year.

Can I just tell you how happy I was when those boys walked through the door.

They are fine young men.

They’re all members of Rooster’s fraternity, which just received its charter as the newest official member of the BYX family.  It’s a Christian fraternity.  They have tons of good, clean fun together while holding one another accountable in their Christian walk.  They have cell groups that are led by various members of the fraternity.  They have accountability partners.  They use GroupMe to stay in contact with each other on an hourly basis.

They’re incredibly intelligent too.  Many are majoring in engineering…software and mechanical to be precise.

They spent time playing my Wii.

Their deep laughter filled this mama’s heart with joy.

Then, they settled in to watch a movie.

That’s when I crashed.  I was wiped out from what had been a stressful week.

I felt blessed, though, to be sharing my home with these fine young people…my son among them.

Filed under: children, Christian | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

Bookin’ It Through the Hodgepodge

Posted on March 6, 2013 by auburnchick

How in the world do these weeks fly by so quickly?  Lord have mercy!  😀

So, I feel the need to first apologize.  I’ve been a very bad blog reader.  I humbly ask your forgiveness.  This is crunch time for reading teachers in Florida.  FCAT is right around the corner in April, and we have Spring Break the last week of March.  That leaves THREE solid weeks of instruction.  YIKES!

On top of that, my principal is coming to observe me next week, and a Kagan coach is also going to be observing me on a different day.  My final IPDP (Individual Professional Development Plan) reflections and documentation are also due on the 15th.

Plus, I still need to film my Reading Endorsement lesson plans.

And I’m fighting a cold.

Gee, I wonder why?

So, enough about me.  Let’s get to Joyce’s questions!  Joyce, thank you for thoughtfully picking our brains each week.  I truly appreciate what you do!

1.  When you’ve eaten in a restaurant do you complete their comment card? Do you take online surveys highlighted at the bottom of store receipts?

I rarely complete comment cards or surveys.  I just don’t have time right now.

2.  The (US) ban on women in combat was lifted at the end of January. It will probably be next year before specifics are worked out, but its been reported over 200,000 front line positions will eventually open up to women.  Your thoughts?

I don’t have an opinion one way or another.  I can’t imagine any sort of draft that would include women…being my traditional self and all…but allowing women to fight in combat…to each his/her own, I suppose.

3.  In looking back at all the blog posts you’ve written, what’s your favorite post title?

I have written over 1600 posts.  I’m sure I have some favorite titles, but I lack the energy and the time to go through them and select my favorite one.  I can think of favorite posts I’ve written, such as the letter from my lawn to me, or the one in which I was violently sick and had to make a mad dash for home with several pit stops along the way.

4.  What’s worse-overly permissive parents or overly protective parents?  Did your own parents lean more to the permissive or the protective category?  If you’re a parent where do you fall?

My job as a teacher has led me to believe that overly permissive parents are the worst!  I teach children who have minimal to no adult supervision.  Many, many times these children make bad decisions because they have no role models at home.  Trying to contact parents for conferences or issues in my classroom can be a nightmare because they are simply not available.  My students are suffering…from too much freedom…which is why they fight the structure of school while secretly thriving on it.

My mom was a combination of both, which led me to be very confused about what was allowed and what wasn’t.

As a mother, I fall into the overprotective side of the scale.  I make no apologies.  At least I have and do care enough to be involved.

5.  Candlelight-moonlight-firelight-bright lights in the big city…which one’s your favorite?

I’d take firelight over anything else.  It’s soothing and warm.

6.  Dr. Seuss’s birthday was celebrated on Saturday. What’s a favorite book you remember (Seuss or otherwise) from your own childhood?  Did books play an important role in your growing up years? Explain.

I was a book-a-holic as a child.  I remember reading A Wrinkle in Time over and over again.  I also read The Hiding Place more times than I can count.  Books were my companions.  Judy Blume taught me that it was okay to feel the things I was feeling as a teenager.  I couldn’t and wouldn’t talk to my mom about the stuff that Judy wrote about.  Reading gave me a strong vocabulary that I am so grateful to this day.  It taught me most of the American history that I love to this day.  Basically, books took on the role of parenting…one that other people in my life did not fill.  As a reading teacher, I have come full-circle.  My love for reading has been rekindled, and I sincerely believe that I am passing along this love to my students…many of whom are into their fifth or sixth chapter books and begging for me to buy more.

7.  To quote Dr. Seuss…

“From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.” 
from One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish
 

Share something funny you’ve recently read, seen or heard. 

At a recent reading department meeting, our youngest and newest reading teacher, one of the basketball coaches who proposed to his long-time girlfriend the day after Valentine’s, told us, “Man, ever since we got engaged, my girl spends ALL of her time on Pinterest looking at wedding stuff.  In fact, we went to a wedding last weekend, and you could tell it was a ‘Pinterest Wedding.'”

We got quite the laugh, let me tell you.

8.  My Random Thought

I thought I would update you on my sweet dog, Aubie, who has been limping for about three weeks now.

I am happy to report that she seems to be doing BETTER!  Your prayers have certainly helped!  She had taken a turn for the worse when last I wrote about her, and we were quite anxious.  However, we’ve been giving her pain medicine and stuff for her joints, and she’s finally starting to put a little pressure on her gimpy leg!  She seems a lot more comfortable and happy.  It’s slow going, and we are still being very careful with her, but at least we have hope now.

Thank you, all, for your continued prayers!!

Filed under: This-n-That | Tagged: | 9 Comments »

Sole Pampering

Posted on March 2, 2013 by auburnchick

No, I haven’t flubbed the title of today’s post.

The reason?

Because Chicky came home last night to spend part of her Spring Break with us, and we decided to visit the mall at the beach.

First of all, this mall is home to my favorite pizza at Red Brick Pizza.  Yum!

Second, I’d heard, through the grapevine, that Dillard’s was having an AMAZING shoe sale.

Dillard’s just happens to be at this mall.

Chicky also needed a dress for a wedding she’ll be attending in a couple of weeks.

Although I am not fond of shopping, I do love my shoes and was thrilled to find the following pairs, in my size, on the clearance racks…

This is a pair of Gianni Bini.  They were originally $90 but had been marked down to $32.  After an additional 40% discount, taken at the register, I got them for $19!

They’ve even got sparkles!

The other pair I found are a bit more practical but the color I’ve been looking for ever since a different pair of the same color broke.  I have a certain pair of dress pants that are a strange color…kind of deep purple-ish/brown-ish.  Buying these shoes was a necessity to be able to wear my pants again!

The price point on this pair was the same as the other pair.

Meanwhile, Chicky got a pair of boots that were NOT on sale.

The Mr. paid for those.

We all agree that I got the best deal, but Chicky is thrilled with her pair.

We’re just happy to have her home and more than willing to splurge a bit on her.

Of course, I’m more than okay with splurging on myself as well.

😉

Filed under: This-n-That | Tagged: , , | Leave a comment »

Time for Some Pampering, Shamrock Style!

Posted on March 1, 2013 by auburnchick

This.

Has.

Been.

A.

Week.

My students are going nuts.

Parents are going nuts.

I’ve got so much coming up in the next two weeks that my stomach is in knots.

At least yesterday was Pay Day.

Plus, I turned in my New Teacher Induction Packet…a year-in-the-half-in-the-making portfolio that my district requires new teachers to complete.

Yeah.

I was ready for some pampering time.

Although I had scheduled a nail appointment for Saturday, I called and asked if there was anything for after school.

I’d had an interesting infuriating parent conference, and I needed to soothe my anger.

I love the ladies in my nail salon.

They always make me laugh, and they are always willing to try whatever artwork I’ve found on Pinterest.

Thus, when I left, I was sporting these…

Then, I stopped off at Publix and bought chips and dip.

And a Mt. Dew.

Then, I stopped at Starbucks and got a Venti Peppermint Hot Chocolate with Soy and No Whip.

It had been that kind of week.

The good news, besides that I have pretty nails and a thicker waistline?

Chicky is coming home for Spring Break.

I can’t wait to hug on her.

It will be a time of reminding myself to RELAX (my word for this year) and just trust God with the details.

Filed under: Teaching, This-n-That | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

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