AuburnChick's Adventures

My fifth year of teaching is officially in the books.

Friday was the final day with students, and we teachers returned today to prep our rooms for the summer break.  Once we finished and had our checklists signed off on, we were free to go.

Being the overachiever that I am (and wanting to start my vacay early), I worked hard so I could leave as quickly as possible.

As I’ve done my previous four years, I wanted to take some time to reflect on lessons I’ve learned this year.

As I’ve said a time or two (insert sarcastic look), my year definitely had its ups and downs.

There were a LOT of changes this year…staffing, standards, and students (well, that last item is a given every year).

I do not do change well.  I need time to adapt.  Unfortunately, teachers are not afforded time.

We are like medical professionals, performing triage on a daily basis.

Adapting to change was one of the first lessons I had to learn.

I’m stubborn.

The lesson took a while to set in.

With staffing changes came new responsibilities.

I was overwhelmed and because of that, my words were sometimes less gentle than they should have been.  That can be a good and a bad thing.

I learned that sometimes being direct is the best path toward getting things done.

On the other hand, I learned that I can’t go in too harshly…I need to be sensitive to another person’s experience as well as mindset.

I need to wait for God’s words, not the words I’ve planned in my mind.

Those are lessons I can apply toward how I approach my students as well.

This year, without the constant presence of my friend, Barb, I learned that I had to speak up for myself.

In other words, I found my voice.

Oh boy, did I ever.

I used it to stand up for myself when my VAM came out.

I used my voice to raise questions, respectfully (of course) but unrelentingly, to try to get some answers.

I got answers (they didn’t make sense, except to the politicians who created them).

I also used my voice to stand up for the students I serve.

They were outraged by a new system of tests and other diagnostic measurement tools that CONSTANTLY interrupted their class time.

I spoke up for them.

Another big lesson I learned…probably the one that will save my sanity throughout the rest of my career…is how to balance work with home.

It’s one of the few positive things that came out of my erroneous VAM score.

I learned that it’s not worth taking home work stress…that I HAVE to give myself time to relax and be a non-teacher when I leave my classroom.

I limited the amount of time I worked from home, allowing myself one night a week…two max…to lesson plan.

I quit grading assignments at home and left that to my planning period, and I gave myself permission to say no to a fake, self-righteous guilty conscience that tried to berate me for not providing feedback the day after assignments were due.

My students understood.  They still got their results rather quickly…just not always within twenty-four hours.

It didn’t hurt them, and it actually helped me.

With the good lessons come the bad.

Well, not really bad but an awareness of things I really need to focus on improving.

One of the biggest areas of my teaching involves classroom rapport.

I’d been marked down a little bit in that one area during my observation, and it gave me pause to think…and reflect when certain situations happened in my classroom later in the year.

I kept wondering what I’d done differently from the year before…why there was some negativity flowing between various students, thus bringing down the supportive feel of a couple of my classes.

One thing I know I didn’t do as well was incorporate as many team building activities into our routine (as I’ve done in previous years).  I won’t make this mistake again.

I am looking for ways to create empathy among my students.  Despite the loss of a student in one of my classes (this class actually bonded tightly…the problems were mainly in my other classes), some students still had trouble digging up sensitivity for their classmates.

I’ll be working on mini-lessons to help with this.

I think of all things I can work on, the above will probably have the greatest impact on my students and their learning.

Oh sure, I know I need to work on everything but creating a supportive classroom…one in which students are respectful and accepting of one another…is at the top of my list.

Saying goodbye to my students wasn’t as hard this year.

I loved them to bits, that’s for sure, but I was ready for a break to step away and relax so I can return in August as a teacher who is refreshed and ready to offer my best to a new group of students.

I’m well on my way, even after one afternoon on break…

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It’s the time of the year when I begin some serious self-reflection.

I do this all throughout the school year; however, it is as the year is winding down, when I’m a little more relaxed, that things begin tugging at my heart.

How can I be a better teacher next year?

How can I ultimately grow as a person.

Today provided much food for thought.

The day started off when I woke up with the beginnings of a migraine brewing.

Oy vey.

In addition, I’d been fighting a strained muscle in my back…injured sometime on Monday during my workout.

I didn’t call in sick.  Writing sub lesson plans sucks, plain and simple.

All seemed to be okay…my first class progressed well until I attempted to begin the fun review I’d set up on Kahoot.It, a website I learned about during a recent technology conference.

The website started hanging up…or rather, my computer did.  So did the Chrome Books that my students were using.

I quickly grew frustrated.

Anyone who knows me personally knows how much I love my technology.  When it doesn’t work properly, I don’t exactly adjust well.

I was so disappointed because I’d planned a very interactive experience.  It had turned into an epic fail that I was powerless to fix.

Ugh.

We wound up having a good review discussion despite the issues; my students made the change smoother than I’d expected.

Fourth period went exactly the same way.

I was not a happy camper.

By the time my 6th period class arrived, I was fit to be tied.  I’d been unable to consistently access my email and school attendance/grading websites.  I’d put in a Help Desk ticket, but things were still messed up.

I warned my students that I was grumpy but it wasn’t their fault.  Still, a couple pushed some buttons, and I lost my temper.

It was not one of my finest moments, but I did what I usually do…admit to my deficiencies and apologize to my students.

I nearly broke down as I told them that I like my world to be orderly; that everything is usually planned out and that I struggle with going with the flow when things mess up my plans.

My students…this class that has been, in some ways, my toughest, extended grace in the sweetest way possible.  They told me that it was okay…that I was only human.

How I loved them in that moment.

I made amends on a one-to-one basis…asked forgiveness via peppermint candies during a quiz that followed.

By the end of class, we were all laughing.  All was well.

As I think about my day, I can’t help but make a list of things that need tweaking.

I want to be more laid-back.

I want to learn to go-with-the-flow, even when things get thrown at me unexpectedly and throw off my lesson plans.

I want to learn to be less emotional.

I want to be more discerning about the things that deserve to be attended to and the things that can be ignored or addressed with a simple raise of the eyebrow.

One might say I’m being hard on myself; however, I think that I’ll only grow if I look honestly at the areas where I struggle the most.

I am grateful for the raw honesty of my students.  Sometimes it can be harsh; however, it’s always ringed with truth…a truth I need to be mature enough to use to benefit all of us and my future students.

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It’s hard to believe that we just began our first full week of May.

There are five weeks of school left.

Wow.

This is probably my favorite time of the school year.  With the state reading exam behind me, I am able to relax.  It’s always my goal to help my students stay calm because testing really isn’t over for them with End of Course (EOCs) exams still infringing on their fun.

Students get to see a different side of me though.

Yes, there’s still learning going on, but the pressure is off.

This is the time of the year when I, along with my students, start getting sentimental.

It’s the time when the relationships I’ve carefully cultivated start producing an abundance of fruit.

One such relationship is the one I have with J.

Oh word, guys, but this girl’s story would break your heart a hundred times over.

She’s tough, and she has reason to be.

She has a rough exterior…a wall built up that has been quite difficult to break through.

Consistency has been key.

We fought, and still sometimes argue, from the first of week of school.

She didn’t like my rules; I didn’t like that she constantly pushed the limits.

I kept her in check; she helped me hone the art of backing off.

Over the course of the past nine months, we have developed a mutual respect for one another.  She curses, I call out, “Language,” and she apologizes.

She starts texting, I call out, “Phone,” and she says, “Yes, ma’am.”

She tells me she’s having a sh***y day, I say, “Language,” and then I step away, giving her space.

I’ve often tried to help with particular needs during the year, but she’s been fiercely independent.

Until recently.

She’s finally begun accepting assistance.

She comes to me, now, at the beginning of the day.

I’m simply thrilled to see her at school.

On Friday, we had a quick conversation.  As she headed out the door to go to her first class, she turned and said, “I love you, Mrs. Auburnchick,” and then she hugged me.

I told her I loved her too, hugged her, and sent her on her way.

What she didn’t see was the flood of tears that descended when I walked back to my desk.

She didn’t see them this morning when, after stopping by on her way to first period, she told me, again, that she loved me.

This girl doesn’t love many people.

She can’t afford to let anyone that close; she’s been very disappointed by people in her life.

Twice, now, she has reached out to me.

I don’t know how many of my reading lessons she’ll remember in a year or two.

I doubt she’ll remember the grades she earned in my class.

What I think she’ll remember is that 1) I always made books available to her (she’s an avid reader), 2) I pushed her to do better than what she felt like doing (“You always do the most, Mrs. Auburnchick,” she’s fond of saying.), and 3) I never stopped trying to reach her.

I never gave up…when so many in her life have.

I doubt she’ll know how much her words mean to me…the fact that she didn’t hold my own bad teacher moments against me…battles ill-chosen sometimes.

I didn’t give up.

She loves me.

My year is made.

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