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Dedication

What is dedication?

Is it a mama who drives two hours after work so she can watch her Rooster play in the band during a very good football game?

Although the team lost by two points, some fans still managed to have a good time…

I snuck this picture with my cell phone, although I strongly suspect he would have posed for me if I had asked.

Could dedication be the same mama who gets up at 4:30am the next morning for another five hour drive…

With a pan full of brownies and several movies in the seat beside her…

Of course, dedication has its payoff.

Like…

Watching the sun rise…

Oh yes.  Dedication has its rewards.

Like being allowed to sing your own rendition of “Bohemian Rhapsody” at the top of your lungs.

Five hours into the trip, it looked like it was going to be a beautiful day…

Good thing.

Chicky had a game, and I was ready to watch!

The Lady Fire won by a score of 6-0, and after the game, both teams gathered for a prayer…

After the game, Chicky and I went to Panera for lunch, and then we went to her hair cut appointment.

We still had a couple of hours before the annual Alumni game, so she went back to her room to rest, and I took a nap in the car.

We met up an hour later and ate lunch at the school’s restaurant…

Twice Baked Potatoes, I think.

Beef and Barley Soup

Lentil Soup

True dedication means eating school food, which was actually delicious but gave me gas that lasted the entire night.  Yeah.  I know.  TMI.  Whatever.  File a complaint with the blog police.  heehee

After dinner, Chicky played in the Alumni game.  It was fun to watch former players play against the younger ladies.  Some of the gals still had it, but they still got beat soundly.  Nevertheless, the girls had a great time.

During the game, I had watched the sun set.  This is my favorite time of day…

After the game, I said my goodbyes to Chicky.  This is something that still isn’t easy.  I am longing for her to be my friend, and she says it hasn’t been long enough.

Dedication hurts sometimes.

I made my way to the hotel and found this lovely room waiting for me…

The hotel was crawling with baseball player munchkins.  Their presence reminded me of the many soccer tournaments I’ve traveled to over the years.

I felt a little melancholy.  This was the first trip I’d ever taken by myself.  The quiet was a welcome respite, but I wasn’t used to it.

I settled in with a glass of Merlot and a bag of M&M’s.

It wasn’t long before I dropped off to sleep, putting the busy day behind me.

But, I had another drive ahead of me.

Sunday was as beautiful as Saturday…

I only made a couple of stops and saw the following sign in one bathroom…

The sign begged to be edited, and being the English teacher, I just couldn’t help myself…

Dedication means always carrying a Sharpie so you can fix the world’s spelling mistakes.

I stopped for lunch at Bagel Bagel, where I had the most delicious thing ever, although I can’t remember the name of it!

Because I had left so early, I arrived home by 1pm, leaving plenty of time to relax before creating final exams for my students.

However, I took it somewhat easy because my narrow-focused dedication led to this…

Ouch!

Dedication.

Sometimes it can be painful, but the dividends it pays makes it all worthwhile.

The Mom Run

Saturday was a big day for me.

It started out when the alarm clock went off at the oh-so-early hour of 5:30.

Ugh.

It felt a little like a work day…

Except for the fact that I wasn’t going to work…

I was going to see my Chicky-Poo.

So, getting up wasn’t a bother.

Plus, the Mr. was driving, so I knew I could snooze if I wanted.

I loaded up the car (you saw that picture in yesterday’s post) and headed out.

I snoozed.

I also did some knitting.  Maybe one day I’ll actually finish the project I’ve been working on.  It seems the only time I have to knit these days is when I’m in the car on a long ride.

I decided to give myself a couple of days off from lesson planning.  I’ve been putting in 15-18 hour days.

We stopped a couple of times for “necessities.”

At one Mom-and-Pop business, the Mr. purchased this bracelet for me…

It’s the cutest thing ever, and at $1.25, it was a steal!  I love that it has dolphins since Rooster’s high school mascot is the dolphin.

As we got closer to Southeastern, my stomach started churning.

I was anxious to see my girl, whom I had not seen since my tearful goodbye a month before.

When we were ten minutes out, the Mr. realized that the GPS was taking us to the school rather than the hotel.

Say what?

I thought we were going straight to see Chicky.

I will admit to pitching a fit befitting a two year old.

The conversation went something like this:

“Aren’t we going to see Chicky?”  I asked.

“No.  She has to be in the locker room with her team,” he replied.

“No.  We’re going to see Chicky.  There’s time,” I said.

“No, there’s not.  I always go to the field right before the game,” he said.

“You take me to see my Chicky [fists by my side],” I said.  I continued, “She said we would have time.”

At this point, I was nearly in tears, and I did the only thing I knew to do.

I called Chicky.

She said she didn’t have to be in the locker room for another 45 minutes.  Since we were less than ten minutes away, it was fine to go by.

I looked at the Mr. with a smug smile.

He followed the GPS’s directions.

We parked beside her dorm, and I collected the bag of crackers I’d bought her.  I also grabbed the two boxes of snacks I’d also purchased the day before.

As I began walking down the sidewalk, I saw her…

My baby…

My college girl.

As she walked toward me, she said, “I figured I better meet you outside so you wouldn’t embarrass me in front of my roommate.”

I barely heard her because, at that moment, I dropped everything I’d been holding and started doing the “Mom Run” toward her, arms outstretched.

It was like a scene from a movie.

“Run into your mama’s arms, my Chicky girl,” I said.

She smiled, chuckled, and entered my embrace.

I hugged her as hard as was legally allowed.

She hugged back.

I kissed her face and then checked to make sure she still had ten fingers and ten toes.

Don’t ask me why, but that’s what I did when I saw her the first time after giving birth to her.

If she rolled her eyes, she did it over my shoulder.

We made a few trips back and forth to carry in everything we’d brought her.

Then I kissed her face again.

I told her I owed her hugs from a couple of people…

“This one is for Ms. H (from school), and this one is from Guy Friend’s mom.”

I loved it.  I had an excuse to put my arms around her again.

She was starting to tire of my affection, whispering to the Mr. that next time he could leave me at home.

heehee

We took a couple of pictures, and then we left so she could get ready for her game.

We explored a bit and then walked to the field.

What a hot afternoon!  I’ve gotten out of the routine of going to games, and boy, have I turned into a wimp!

Our early appearance on campus resulted in a huge payoff when we saw one of Chicky’s former soccer coaches…Coach Mike…

He is the coach of the team Chicky would be playing against.

I have to tell you about this guy.

He sits at the top of my list of favorite coaches.

This man coached Chicky for two years, and what he did for her game was nothing short of a miracle.

He instilled in her a confidence that no other coach has ever done.

He taught her that it is vital for defenders to be mobile and carry the ball up the field when opportunities present themselves.

This changed Chicky’s game completely.

It’s made her a silent threat on the field, because most people expect defenders to stay in the back.

Coach Mike taught Chicky that her small size is no excuse to be beat physically.

As a result, she wins as many headers as girls two shoulders taller.

Although Chicky hasn’t played for him in over four years, we have remained friends and have made a special effort to keep in contact with him.

He and I are friends on Facebook, and that is how he discovered that Chicky is a member of Southeastern’s team.  That is also how he figured out that his team would be playing her’s.

The hugs we exchanged yesterday were heartfelt.

I can honestly say that I love this man.  When you see someone care about children the way he does, you can’t help but love that person.

We quickly caught up on the latest happenings, and then his new team (he was recently named as the coach of this team) walked onto the field.

He was thoughtful enough to introduce his girls to us.

At this point, I looked at them and said, “I want you to know that this man coached my daughter.  You are very lucky to have him as your own coach.  He is tough, but he knows what he’s doing.”

At this, they laughed “knowing” laughs.  He chuckled because he knows that they know how tough he is.

As he ran across the field to warm up his girls, I sat on the bleachers with a smile.

My reunion with Chicky had been doubly-blessed.

Finally, it was time for Chicky’s team to take the field.

Ahhhhh…I feel so completely at home on the sidelines.  It’s where I’ve spent the last 10+ years.  So, it was high time that I was sitting in the bleachers again!

Chicky’s coach’s wife, Teresa, took photos…

I took photos…

The team got off to a slow start.  In fact, Coach Mike’s team scored first.  I was happy for him because I knew his team lacked confidence and really needed that goal.

During the game, it started raining…but the rain only lasted for five minutes – just long enough for me to run to the car and grab an umbrella.

The sky was beautiful after the rain stopped…

Finally, Chicky’s team scored, and they kept going and going and going after that.

In the end, the score was 6-1…

Both teams gathered for a prayer after the game ended…

The girls ran over and sang a song they sing after every game (I think, since this is the first game I’ve been to)…

If you want proof that I was there, check out this picture that Teresa took.  I’m the one in the cropped pants and blue checkered shirt…

Coach Mike ran over to say a few words.

I’m telling you …this man is incredible.  Although he lives a few states away, he’s always in my heart!

Chicky was in a good mood after the game.

We chatted with other parents, and some of her teammates introduced themselves to me.

“So, you’re Chicky’s mom,” said one player.

“Yes, I am.”

“She told us how crazy you are,” she continued.

“Oh really?  I’m not sure if this is a good thing,” I replied hesitantly.

“It’s good.  She said that if we think she’s crazy, then we should know that you’re even crazier.”

“Well, what can I say.  I’m a mom.  Moms are supposed to be nuts and embarrass their kids,  But, I’m on my best behavior today.  Maybe next time, I’ll do one of my dances,” I said.

heehee

She was a nice girl.  They all are nice girls.  Chicky is lucky to have them as teammates and friends.

Chicky was sweaty, so after she changed clothes, she hopped in our car so we could treat her to dinner.  It felt good to have her in the backseat behind me again.

I have this thing where I’ve always reached my hand back to her, and she gives me a five…just a touch to acknowledge me.  We’ve done this for years and years, and it especially soothed me on this occasion.

On the way to eat, I took these beautiful pictures…

Can you believe those two pictures, along with the one of the sky during the game, were taken with my phone?  Great camera!!

Anyhoo…

We let Chicky pick where she wanted to eat, and because she’s been eating rather cheaply (typical broke, college student), she chose Outback.

Now, listen to how trained my brain is.  When the hostess asked us how many were in our party, I answered, “Four.”

I did not even think about it until we sat down, and the Mr. looked at me strangely.

Oh.

Duh.

I still am not used to this “threesome” thing.

Anyhoo…

We splurged on a Bloomin’ Onion…

Chicky managed to spill her water.  It was too funny and a little embarrassing for her.

We had a lovely conversation with Chicky, catching up on this and that.  I will say, though, that she is definitely done with high school stuff.  She cared not one iota about talking about anything related to the “old days.”

She’s moved on.

Unfortunately, the time went by too quickly.

We took her back to her dorm, and she tried to say her goodbye in the parking lot.

I was having none of that.  I’d already said one goodbye from the car.  I was not about to do it again.

I walked her to her dorm and gave her a few more hugs and kisses at the door.

This was a proper goodbye.

Although I did not cry when we left, I did feel a little sad.

Being reunited with my Chicky reminded me how vibrant she is.  She is very vocal, and her absence has left a void…one that her larger-than-life personality fills.

I missed her again in that moment.

But, I know that it won’t be long before I get to see her again.  I’ll be attending another game in a couple of weeks.

I can hardly wait!

How Is Chicky Doing?

When last you heard of Chicky, she was giving Your’s Truly a wave goodbye as she walked into the unknown world of college life.

That was four weeks ago.

I am fortunate in that Chicky’s coach’s wife is a maniac where it comes to picture-taking.  In fact, she reminds me a lot of myself…the self-professed mom of the group.

I am so thankful for this.

She uploads pictures to a team’s website on a regular basis.

So, I’ve become a picture-stalker, watching that URL for any updates.

One of the first things that Chicky did with her team was to travel to North Carolina for a team retreat.  The coaches took away the girs’ cell phones, and they spent the entire time participating in team-bonding exercises.  They had devotions, went tubing, played Capture the Flag, and practiced soccer.  With that many girls together, I’m 100% positive that there were a lot of giggles along the way.

When they returned, they played a couple of friendlies (games against other teams that don’t count against the win/loss record).

One thing that impressed me immediately was how the teams prayed together after the game…

During the couple of weeks before classes started, the team had three-a-days (practices three times a day).

This is one of those times I thank my lucky stars I was uncoordinated as a child.  I could have never handled getting all sweaty three times 24 hours!!

The girls received their team uniforms and posed for pictures…

Of course, they are girls and – well – they had to act a little silly too…

Now, although you don’t know which girl is Chicky, it is clear to see that every single girl is sporting a smile.  That means that my Chicky is in there…having a GREAT time.

When Chicky changed her mind about Rollins, I had a very hard time.  You probably remember that.

Now, though, I have accepted the change wholeheartedly.

How could I not when I see pictures of the girls praying together…laughing together.  Someone even took the picture of the back of a Southeastern shirt…

Who can argue with a message like that?

I know that Chicky is where she is supposed to be.  In fact, I do not even worry about her because of the support system she has in the other girls.

Sometimes, a picture can speak a thousand words…

Chicky has been a busy girl – forging strong relationships that will last a lifetime.

Finding Balance

In the last three weeks, I have discovered something.

Finding balance can be very difficult.

From the moment I heard the words, “Consider yourself hired,” I hopped aboard a roller coaster ride with lots of hairpin turns and very few straight-aways.

Having a class of your own is way different from walking into someone else’s room and sitting for a day or two.

As such, other parts of my life are suffering – namely, couponing, cooking, and performing small parenting tasks.

Oh, I’ve been collecting coupons, buying papers every week and printing the online coupons that look most attractive.  However, I really fell behind in getting them filed.

So, on Saturday, after Rooster and I ran errands, I sat down and made myself focus on getting this job done.

First of all, I had a huge mess to clean up after I removed the coupons from the top of a bookshelf I had been using for the last few months.  I needed to take the bookcase to my classroom.

Here’s the mess I created on Friday morning…

I really know how to start my day, eh?  Nothing like a mini-stroke to get yourself pumped up for a Friday.  It kind of made me dread coming home.

To clean a mess like that, I knew I would need to be in the right frame of mind, so I waited, giving myself Friday off.

By Saturday, I was ready.  Of course, it could have been the adrenaline rush I was experiencing from finding GREAT deals at the mall, which resulted in the purchase of two new pairs of pants and a new shirt (I only spent $51, saving over $100!!).

But I digress.

The mess.  The coupons.

I took everything to my big table and got busy…

As I filed, I also trashed the expired coupons.  I filled my small wastebasket (no picture though).

Finally, a couple of hours later, I was done.

My coupons were organized in a manner that befitted my anal tendencies…

So, Saturday was fairly productive.  Rooster has a good lead on a weekend job.  He also has a drum torque (whatever that is), a new Xbox headset, and a pair of eyeglasses on order (to be blogged about soon).  He was also fed.

In the process, he and I spent three hours of quality time together (bestill my beating heart).

And, I got my coupons organized.

Balance?

Not quite, as dinner was a “find what you can” sort of meal.

But, I’m getting there – inch by inch.

A New Day Has Dawned

My alarm went off at 5am.

I hit the snooze button a few times, finally dragging my sleepy body out of bed at 5:30.

As I dolled myself up in my “teacher clothes,” I mused about the new routine that was unfolding.

I exited my room a little after six, filled the dogs’ food bowls, and let Molly and Pele out to do their business.

I saw Rooster as he entered the kitchen.  He was rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Rooster and I sat at the kitchen table, and he watched as I reached for my Bible and the devotion book we’ve been using for the last few months.  I saw the last date written in it…early June.

We got a little lazy this summer.

After reading the devotion, I turned to the first chapter of James.  Dividing the number of verses in half, we took turns reading.

After devotions, Rooster and I finished getting ready…each lost in our own thoughts of what the day would bring.

Rooster probably wondered if his schedule would get fixed to accommodate his need for band first period.

I was thinking about my upcoming lesson on how to write a good lead for an essay.

Before we left, however, there remained one final task…

First Day of School picture-taking.

Rooster acquiesced to my request (name that movie)…not even complaining.

I am so glad, because this simple tradition was carrying a bit of extra emotion this year.

As he stood outside, in front of the door, something was missing.

Or rather, SOMEONE.

This was the first time that Rooster had ever stood by himself on the first day of school.

Our Chicky was, hopefully, sleeping soundly seven hours away.

While she was dreaming of defending her college team’s goal, we were carrying on a yearly tradition without her.

After I snapped the photo, we hopped in the car and went along our merry way.

A new day had dawned.

I Have the Button

Yesterday evening, as I was on my way to my second band booster meeting, I dialed the number of a friend.

Her husband answered, “Hello.”

“Hi Friend’s Hubster.  Is your better half available?” I asked.

“No, she’s at a soccer booster meeting.”

THUD.

My half-heart fell.  (Remember that the other half is in Lakeland with Chicky.)

Someone was having a soccer booster meeting…

Without me.

I wasn’t even invited for old times’ sake.

Here today, gone tomorrow.

Do you know how many years I have been attending soccer meetings?

Like, forever and a day.

I have been involved with the intimate workings ever since Chicky started playing travel soccer.  Thus, I’ve spent the last 10+ years growling and, once, even barking…don’t ask her about this…she’ll roll her eyes.  It was not one of my finer moments.

But band moms don’t growl, and they sure don’t tell the kids to kick butt.  I found that out the hard way during the first game I attended last year.

As I started to shout out something fierce, I caught myself and changed it to something like, “Bang those cymbals together really hard.”

Ahem.

Anyhoo…

As I parked the car, I saw my friend, Barbara, the Most Amazing Teacher EVER.

We walked in together, with me bemoaning the fact that someone was having a soccer meeting without me.

“Suck it up girl.  You are a band mom,” she replied with absolutely no sympathy in her voice.

“But, but, the band thing…I don’t do band meetings,” I said.

“Well, you do now,” she said.

In other words, pull up my big girl undies and deal.

Thanks, Barb.  I can always count on you to tell me like it is.

heehee

You know I love her.  We all need a friend who will whip us into shape when we need it.

So, I went in, a trifle afraid because I don’t understand the inner workings of band.

All I know is that you can’t stand in the bleachers and yell, “Kick their butts.”

Band kids don’t do this.

That’s the job of the football players.

Chicky is, basically, a female football player.

Anyhoo…

When I walked in, I saw a couple of people I knew.  One was the mom of one of Chicky’s high school teammates.  She has a younger daughter who is on the dance line.

What a sense of relief!!

We chatted, and then I noticed another gal sitting at another table.

I knew in an instant it was a new friend, Janet, who only recently began commenting on my blog.  Her family attends my church.  We’ve met once, but I fear that my brain was in one of those “mom fogs,” and so I only have a vague memory of the meeting (sorry Janet!!).

Her son is on drum line with Rooster.

I walked over, and she formally introduced herself to me.

What an absolute sweetheart!!  Surely we had not said more than two words to each other before now, because I know I would have remembered her!!!

Seriously!

I’m not just saying this because she reads my blog.

She has a sweet, Southern voice that I could listen to all day.

We made small talk before she handed me something…

A button…

Yes, dear readers, I have my own drumline mom button!!!

I am so excited, and I am not being sarcastic when I say that!!

I started to put it on, but she told me I could wait until the first game.

I chuckled.

My brain is in a fog…the fog of lesson planning.

I pulled the button off while we talked for a few more minutes.  Then, I took my leave and had a seat beside the soccer mom I had seen earlier.

I was happy.  I felt comfortable.  This is a novel feeling for me, because I tend to be very nervous in new situations.

Yay!

I got up to hand in candy money (don’t you just love fundraisers…not).

The band director made his way over to me.

He remembered me from last school year when I appeared in his office and sheepishly admitted to a lack of participation because of Chicky’s heavy soccer schedule.  I had also called him a few days ago when Rooster’s class schedule came out…band was not on it, and I was not happy.

Nor was he.

We talked, and it felt good to know that someone actually cared enough to remember what I’d said.

Heck, some days I’d like to forget the stuff I say.

heehee

I sat back down when it looked like the meeting was about to begin.

And so it went.

You know something?

I never once checked my watch.

Actually, I wasn’t wearing one, but I didn’t check the time on my phone either.

The hour passed quickly, and before I knew it, I was headed home.

I survived my second band meeting.

It wasn’t the torture I remembered the first meeting to be.

Perhaps I’ll attend another one.

Barbara would be proud.

Life – Post Heartbreak

Here I sit on the Sunday following the Friday in which my heart broke.

The Mr. and I spent that Friday evening lost in our own thoughts.

Or rather, I spent the time blogging, and he watched a show about sharks.

There obviously wasn’t much on TV.

Saturday, we arose at the crack of dawn so we could get an early start home.

When the alarm went off, my first thought was of Chicky who was, at that moment, on the soccer field enduring her first fitness test.

My poor girl had to wake up at 5:15 to have enough time to eat.  That’s 4:15 Central time, which is what we’re on at home (yes, parts of Florida are in the Central time zone).

The Mr. and I wearily got in the car for the long drive home.

As we left the parking lot, the GPS instructed us to “follow the highlighted route.”

“Make a left at blah-blah street, then make a right,” she chirped in an upbeat voice.

“Sounding a little too chipper this morning,” the Mr. mumbled back.

Ugh.

Can I tell you how hard it was to leave Lakeland behind?

I didn’t leave in one piece because half of my heart was still there, at that college, with my baby girl.

“Drive 101 miles on I75,” I heard GPS lady say.

“101 miles away from Chicky,” I said to nobody in particular.

Grrrr…

Away we went.

I pulled out my much-neglected knitting and was soothed by the rhythmic motion of knits and purls.

We listened to the radio as we drove.

Big mistake.

Do not ever listen to the radio when you are sad.

The Radio Gods have a conspiracy to play songs to make you even more miserable.

Changing stations does not help.

Christian, Country, and Oldies know what you’re thinking, and they play songs accordingly.

It was like a bad movie.

Like Transformers.

Where the car plays songs to communicate with Shia.

The first song to bring on the tears was George Strait’s, “I Saw God…”

Here are the lyrics, with the part that made me boo hoo in bold…

I just walked down the street to the coffee shop
had to take a break
I’d been by her side for eighteen hours straight
I saw a flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk
pushing up through the concrete
like it was planted right there for me to see
the flashin’ lights, the honkin’ horns
all seemed to fade away
in the shadow of that hospital at 5:08
I saw God today

Chorus:
I’ve been to church
I’ve read the book
I know He’s here, but I don’t look
near as often as I should
Yeah, I know I should
His fingerprints are everywhere
I’d just slow down to stop and stare
opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today

I saw a couple walking by they were holding hands
Man, she had that glow
yeah I couldn’t help but notice she was starting to show
I stood there for a minute takin’ in the sky
lost in that sunset
a splash of amber melted in the shades of red

Chorus

I got my face pressed up against the nursery glass
She’s sleeping like a rock
My name on her wrist wearing tiny pink socks
She’s got my nose, she’s got her mama’s eyes
My brand new baby girl
She’s a miracle
I saw God today

—————————————————————————-

I wiped my face, and we drove on.

We stopped for gas and a bite to eat.

I don’t remember the next song that hit, but it was a Christian song.

Oh my gosh.  Would this never end?  Just when I thought I was okay, I realized I wasn’t.

To make matters worse, we were hoping to hear from Chicky.  We longed to find out how her fitness test had gone.

We had planned to stop in Tallahassee to eat lunch with Super Sis and Super D.  About an hour out, my phone rang.

It was Chicky!

She had me put her on speaker phone.

She sounded wonderful!

She had scored a 99 on her fitness test!  The players were expected to make a 90 or above.

All of her 6am summer workouts with her sports trainer proved worthwhile.  He had prepared her well.

She was so happy!

Our hearts sang with joy, and after hanging up the phone, we could not wipe the smiles off of our faces.

Until we hit Tallahassee, and I saw my sister.

The tears that lurked right below the surface threatened to come out.

Actually, I think they did, because I excused myself to run to the restroom.

Ugh.

We had a wonderful lunch, though, at Bagel Bagel.  The Mr. talked with his brother about work stuff, and Super Sis and I chatted about my classes.

I shared the story of Rooster’s Mohawk, and they laughed with us.

It was a wonderful time of sharing and took my mind off of Chicky.

Then, it was time to begin the final leg of the journey.

I called Rooster to give him a heads-up.

It felt strange pulling into the driveway without Chicky.

I gave Rooster a HUGE hug when I saw him.

I don’t know why, but the last couple of weeks of “stuff” unloaded themselves from my shoulders.

I was struck with a sudden urge to straighten the house.

Rooster helped out.

I cleaned out the Jeep…the vehicle that Chicky’s drove.  She did not take it down with her because we cannot afford to buy another car.  With Chicky gone, Rooster will have more opportunities to practice his driving before he gets his license.

I carefully removed her graduation tassel and the cross she received from the Chrysalis retreat she attended a few years ago – items that were hanging from the rear-view mirror.

I found a large, silver key on a white key chain in the middle console.

I found earrings, t-shirts, and towels in the back seat, along with a pair of sneakers.

I began collecting some of the things I found into a pile to mail to her next week.

I handed Rooster the Jeep key and told him to remove the fobs he did not want.

Yeah.  I think all of the girlie stuff went away in a flash.

Sigh.

It felt like a changing of the guards.

I know that Chicky hasn’t completely left, but it feels like she has.

My afternoon went on.

After the house was back to my liking, I sat down to watch TV.

Rooster and I watched the news and saw a clip about the owl video that is getting a lot of hits on YouTube.

A couple set up a video camera to record the comings and goings of a family of owls, and we saw footage of the baby owls leaving the nest.

Yeah.

I teared up.

Rooster chuckled at this.

You guys.  If you’ve never said goodbye to a child, let me tell you that the sadness hits when you least expect it.

Like this morning, when I was getting ready to leave for church.

Out of habit, I went to Chicky’s bedroom and opened the door…

Only to face an empty room.

At church, I signed the attendance sheet…

Three names instead of four.

Sigh.

Life, post heartbreak, is different from before.

It will get better.  I know this.

It is the adjustment period that, quite honestly, sucks.

Strong words, I know.  Please forgive me, but the thesaurus just doesn’t have a word that better describes the feeling.

Anyhoo…

I thank God for providing the new adventure that is my job.

I thank Him for blessing me with a wonderful family and sympathetic friends, both in real life and online.

And I thank God for being with my Chicky…helping her clogged toilet to “magically” fix itself that first night.

Life, post heartbreak, is, well, LIFE.

You go on.  You drive each mile.  You put one foot in front of the other.  You check your phone hourly to see if certain “people” decided to grace you with a hello.

You keep on breathing, and you keep on doing.

As one of my favorite heroines would say, “Tomorrow is another day.”

And so it is, and so it is.

What Do We Do Now?

Eighteen years, seven months, and two weeks ago, the Mr. and I brought home a 7lb, 14oz bundle of joy.

We were young.

I was 21 3/4, and he was 26.

We did not know how to be parents.  All we knew was that we felt incredibly blessed.

We put her in the bassinet between our respective living room chairs.

And then we sat down.

We looked at her, laying so peacefully, and then we looked at each other.

We asked, “What do we do now?”

That’s when the fun began.

It wasn’t long before Chicky exercised her lungs and told us exactly what we could do with her.  From Day 1, she always knew what she wanted.

Over the years, we’ve asked ourselves this question many times.

None was tougher than today.

This was the day when, instead of bringing her home for the first time, we dropped her off somewhere…to stay…without us.

I’m no dummy.

Well, at least I thought I wasn’t.

I mean, I knew this day was coming.

Because Chicky and I haven’t been getting along very well, I figured I’d wave goodbye and do the happy dance back to the car.

The heavens must have laughed at me.

For a mom of 18+ years, I proved how ignorant I truly am.

Folks, I’ve been crying like a baby.

It started yesterday when we were getting ready to leave the house.

I could barely stand to look at Chicky’s room.

I did, though, snapping photos with the ole blog in mind…

As the Mr. and Chicky got in the car, I had to take a moment to collect myself.

Oh, who am I kidding.

I bawled my eyes out in the bathroom.

The thought of her leaving the security of my house did me in at the last second.

Coupled with the PMS I’m going through (thanks a lot, God…You could have planned this a little differently…), I was having a very rough time.

So, not only was I letting my baby go, but I was feeling chubby and bloated as well.

Yeah.

I know.

TMI.

Just sayin’.

Anyhoo…

The Mr. had rented a large SUV for the trip.

Thank goodness.

Chicky filled up every square inch…

Then, we hit the road.

We stopped in Tallahassee to see Coupon Queen and Grand Pooba.  They treated us to a deli sandwich lunch and cookies.  Chicky picked out a couple of towels and washcloths to take with her.  You know grandparents.  They have loads of this stuff.

They gave Chicky a goody package as well.  It was wrapped in plastic stuff, so she had to wait to open it.

After taking pictures, we left.

The rest of the drive was fairly uneventful.  At one point, I took a peek back at Chicky, only to find her asleep.  This was monumental because Chicky never sleeps in the car.  She was exhausted from all of the packing and excitement.

We arrived in Lakeland later in the evening and decided to eat at B D’s Mongolian Grill.

Oh my gosh.  What a wonderful restaurant!  You get to pick out your meat and veggies, make your own sauce, and the cooks grill everything up for you…

YUM!!

After that, we went back to the hotel.

It felt strange…almost like we were about to attend a soccer tournament.

But in the backs of our minds, we knew the truth.

Chicky and I shared a bed, and I don’t know if it was because it was cool in the room or because she knew she would miss me, but she unconsciously let me snuggle with her.

When you’re 18, it’s way not cool to snuggle with mom.

I found comfort in the closeness.  I needed this after the months we’ve been at each others’ throats.

Before I knew it, the day I had dreaded dawned upon me.

Chicky looked very happy.

Duh.

She was a little nervous, though.  She begins pre-season practice tomorrow, and of course she wants to do well.

As I took a final picture of her in the hotel room, I couldn’t help but think about how, in less than 12 hours, I would be returning to this room…without her…sitting in the same chair that she was, at that moment, occupying.

So sad…

I fought back tears.

We drove to the college, left her at the gym for a new player meeting, and walked around, looking for a place to eat.  I snapped a few photos of the campus…

Chicky's dorm

The main walkway between buildings

The cafe

The courtyard

The lake (don't know the name)

We wound up eating at the cafe on campus.  I had the Sun Dried Tomato Chicken Sandwich.  Oh my gosh.  It was DELICIOUS!  The next time we come down, I will definitely be ordering it again!

Then, it was time to meet back up with Chicky, who was undergoing her physical.

Once that was done, we headed over to her dorm to check her in, get her room key, and move her in.

We had approximately four hours.

We needed every second.

We met Chicky’s roommate, a sweet girl who is a sophomore at the college.  She and Chicky hit it off when Chicky visited the college a few months ago.  It’s so great that Chicky has a ready-made friend.

We helped Chicky unpack and organize her room.  Actually, she told me where she was putting things, and I obeyed…

This will be how things will roll from here on out.

Oh, who am I kidding.  This is how things have rolled for a long time now.

The room is actually larger than what I expected.  You can kind of see in the following picture…

I took more pictures so you could get a better idea of the layout of the room…

Two dorm rooms share one potty and shower. Each room has its own vanity.

We decided to run to Walmart for a few last-minute supplies…fruit, snacks, and paper products.  I also needed to get a screwdriver and hammer to put together her TV stand.  I just couldn’t leave it still in the box…

Back to the dorm we went, a bit in a hurry because we were going to be late for the pizza dinner and parent meeting.

I put the stand together in 20 minutes…

Then, I left the tools in Chicky’s desk drawer.  She thinks she won’t need them.  Girls ALWAYS need tools!

Meanwhile, the Mr. was rushing me.  We were already late to the dinner.

But, I wanted so badly to dawdle.

If I took my time, I figured I’d get to see Chicky that much longer.

No can do, folks.  The coach told us when it was time to say our goodbyes.

It felt like being in the military.

Chicky walked us to the car.

Now, I ask you.

How do you say goodbye to the child you’ve been with almost 24/7 for the last 18+ years?

It’s not easy.

She actually hugged us.

Real hugs.

The kind where you use two arms.

And you squeeze.

Yes, folks, I actually felt her squeeze me.

I kept reaching in for more hugs.

She couldn’t pull back.  She was out of excuses.

She knew this was my time.

She finally told us she was walking away because if she didn’t, we’d never leave her.

Oh, but my heart was about to break.

We got in the car and started driving down the lane.

We saw her walking.

I had my camera.

We called out to her, and she turned.

She had a huge smile on her face, and she raised her hand up in a wave.

My heart broke in that moment.

She was happy.

I was sad.

We drove on.

The Mr. and I didn’t speak for a while.

All I could think about was that she was about to experience new things, and I wouldn’t be there to share them with her.

It made me feel lonely and left out.

The Mr. and I returned to the hotel room.  We’ll be leaving for home first thing in the morning.

I went into the restroom, where I broke down.

I had done so good in front of Chicky.  I’d only shed a couple of tears in that final moment of separation.

But once I was by myself, I cried and cried.

All I could think about was that moment 18 years ago when she was all mine for the very first time.

Ultimately, I realize that she hasn’t been mine all along.

She is God’s child, and He has plans for her life.

I feel so privileged to have been a part of that plan.

When I exited, the Mr. and I looked at each other and asked, “What do we do now?”

I really don’t know.  I guess we’ll just get in the car in the morning and leave, like we’re supposed to.

Meanwhile, I comforted myself with this…

…along with the knowledge that Chicky is in God’s hands.  He knows her every need and desire.  His is always with her.

Happy 16th Birthday, Rooster!

It seems like only yesterday that I was wishing Chicky a happy 16th birthday.

Now, it’s my baby’s turn.

I think Father Time has been running on the treadmill lately.  Whatever happened to my little guy who I could set in the middle of the living room floor and return minutes later to find him keeping himself happy with a piece of carpet lint (he was quite the easy-going lad).

Oh wait.

He turned into the young man who just this weekend found himself sitting fairly still for hours…in front of his Xbox with three friends and his oldest cousin.

Yeah, that’s how he spent Friday…five Xbox consoles, five TVs, and one very hot room with all of that electronic equipment running.

The only time the boys emerged was to grab chicken nuggets from the Chick fil A party platter we’d brought home or to get drinks of water.

Typical boys…give them a game console and food, and you never hear from them.

We went to a movie on Saturday (more about that in my next post), but we’re saving our traditional “birthday dinner out” until after graduation…knock out two birds with one stone.

All around, it has been a fairly low-key birthday, but still a huge milestone.

Rooster is more than a Modern Warfare junkie (that’s the newest and most popular Xbox game).

He is a young man who began going to Wednesday night youth group before Chicky.  He encouraged her to go each week, and finally, she did.

He is a young man who woke up extra early during Easter week to attend church services BEFORE school.

Rooster is a young man who jumps at every chance to spend time at church.  Two years ago, he went to Kentucky on a two-week mission trip, and he is planning on going to an Indian reservation out West for another mission trip this summer.

Rooster is a young man who, when asked to help out fellow church-goers, will eagerly lend a hand.  He recently assisted the youth pastor in pulling roofing off of his house.

Rooster is a young man who gave up two social invitations to spend time with me on my birthday because, in his words, “In three years, I won’t be here to celebrate your birthday with you.  I’ll be in college.”

Happy Birthday, Rooster.  It is a privilege watching you grow and mature into the man God intends you to be.  I consider it an honor to be your mama, and I love you very much.

Playing Catch-Up

I love blogging, I really do.

It just seems like it has been hard to find the time the last few days!  So, I’m making this a catch-up post.

As you know, last Friday capped off a two-week AP Exam frenzy.

The way the exams work is that all exams usually have two sessions, with two exams being administered, per a national schedule, each day.  Session 1 is around an hour.  Then, students and proctors are given a ten-minute break.  Session 2 then begins, and it lasts anywhere between one hour and two and a quarter hours.

I think my rear end has wood grain marks from the non-cushioned chairs I was planted on (when I wasn’t walking around on patrol).

Exams were administered around 8am and 12pm.  Sometimes, we had only seven minutes between tests – not a lot of time for lengthy breaks, although everyone managed to get small breaks thanks to wonderful, thoughtful school administrators.

A few of the AP teachers provided their students and us proctors with snacks…

Bags contained such goodies as these…

Oh yeah.  I think this was my favorite goody bag…loads of chocolate…my favorite!

Although proctoring was not physically tiring, I was mentally wiped out each afternoon.

Hence my retreat into brain cell oblivion this past weekend.

The Mr., Soccer Chick, Rooster, and Guy Friend went to see a movie on Saturday.

I chose to stay home, relishing the quiet.

Honestly, I cannot remember what I did.

Oh wait.

I remember.

I did NOTHING.

So lazy…that’s what I was.

It was d-i-v-i-n-e.

Sunday was busy, though.

My church had Senior Recognition Day.  Coupon Queen and Grand Pooba drove over to share in the day’s festivities.

Chicky was asked to speak before one of the services.

She did a lovely job, sharing how her relationships with her youth-group friends have been one of the main things that has kept her from the secular pitfalls that fellow students of her’s have fallen victim to.

She was well-spoken and never once said, “Um.”

I was very proud of her.

After church, we attended a luncheon in the fellowship hall.  Younger members of the youth group served us.  The food was delicious…prepared by the same gentleman who cooked Chicky’s high school soccer team’s pre-game meals.

After a short visit with the in-law’s, they left.

Chicky departed for some place that I can’t remember.  She’s had so many engagements lately that they are all starting to run together.

Meanwhile, Rooster and I headed back to church to a farewell reception for my associate pastor and his family.

I sure am going to miss this amazing little group of people.  The wife was my Bible Study leader, and her husband is simply one of the most gifted young men I’ve ever had the honor of listening to.  Their new church is very blessed to be welcoming them into its fold.

I left Rooster at church so he could attend youth group, and I headed home to watch the Survivor Finale.

Take a look at the following picture…

Do you see Russell’s face?

That’s the face of exasperation…or rather the look that one gets after taking a bite of Humble Pie.

He had to sit and listen to Jeff pull out vote after vote for Sandra and Parvati, when all along, he was sure that he was going to win this time.

Fortunately for smart, non-flirty-to-get-ahead girls everywhere, Parvati did NOT win either!

I love the way Sandra played the game.  She was smart, recognizing the troll that was disguised as Russell, and hung in there.

Nice girls do finish first sometimes!

Next, I watched the newest installment of Celebrity Apprentice.

A couple of seasons ago, I promised myself that I would not watch another episode.

Donald Trump is such a pompous man!  Ugh.  Dirty-minded too.

However, I allowed myself to be sucked in.

I love challenges and watching as people rise, or fall (as the case may be) to the occasion.  I’d like to think that I would do well in these challenges too.  Heck, I’m a mom.  Winning challenges is the name of the game that’s called Motherhood.

But I digress.

I’m rooting hard for Holly Robinson Peete, who’s playing for her autism charity.

Monday morning came all too quickly.

I had a subbing job for Rooster’s English teacher.

Yay, him.

Seriously.

He’s a good sport.  We tend to ignore each other when I am his teacher.

Today was an important one for the seniors at the school.

Their caps and gowns were ready to be picked up.

I brought Chicky’s home and hung it up for her…

Graduation is May 1st…two days after Rooster turns 16.

Yeah.  I know.

I have an eventful two weeks ahead of me, eh?

I mean, in addition to the above, Dancing With the Stars will have its finale, as will 24, Celebrity Apprentice, and Flash Forward.

Sigh…

:::AuburnChick fans herself:::

Oh well.  Might as well get a bunch of stuff out of the way at the same time, eh?  Nothing like being efficient!