Saturday was a somewhat lazy day for me. I’d woken up with the beginnings of a migraine thanks to an incoming storm system, so I laid low all day knitting and watching TV.
After cleaning up my DVR’d shows, I decided to look at Netflix, where I found The King’s Speech, a movie I had not, to date, seen yet.
As an avid history buff, this film appealed to me. I’d taken two British history classes during my return to college, so I knew the topic matter of the movie would be right up my alley.
As I’m sure I’m probably one of the last people to see the movie, I’m sure you already know how amazing it is!
The story of Prince Albert/King George VI’s effort to overcome his stammering problem was incredibly heartbreaking and inspiring.
I watched a documentary about his life after the movie was over, mainly out of curiosity about how the real facts lined up with those detailed in the movie.
I wasn’t disappointed.
It’s not often when a movie makes me cry. I am not ashamed to admit that this one led to a few tears.
I was especially touched by Lionel Logue’s therapy, which focused on the underlying issues that had originally led to the King’s stammer.
If you’ve seen the movie, you already know that the King endured a very strict upbringing, was mistreated by a nanny, was forced to write with his right hand instead of his left, which he was predisposed to, and grew up feeling unloved and unvalidated by his father.
It’s no wonder he stammered! His stammering was a physical manifestation of the internal turmoil he had faced for years!
As Lionel worked with the King to prep him for one of his most famous speeches ever, the one he made as England was entering WWII, Lionel uttered words that struck a chord in my heart.
He said, “You don’t need to be afraid of the things you were afraid of when you were five.”
Those words made me cry.
My church is currently studying the book, Life’s Healing Choices.
It’s not a book study for the faint-of-heart because it requires asking yourself very difficult questions…digging deep to get to the root of the things that have led to hurts, habits, and hang-ups.
Lately, a few of my posts have dealt with some of my deepest hurts…those related to issues I’ve had with my mom.
During Friday’s small group meeting, I shared that my biggest worry is being rejected by my children.
Truth be told, rejection by others, in general, is a worry for me.
I think my worries go back to being rejected as a child.
When I reconciled with my father, years after he and my mom had divorced and when my children were in elementary school, he told me that a woman who had been taking care of my sister and me had tried to adopt us. I don’t know/remember all of the details, but apparently my mom had taken us to her to care for us for awhile. Ultimately, this woman, to whom I actually spoke with years later on the phone, was not able to adopt us.
Learning of this was terribly upsetting and added more baggage to the pile that had been growing ever since I was a child…when I could see my mom favoring my sister, her job, her friends, or her house over me. This treatment continued into adulthood, which is why I finally quit speaking to her.
It’s hard to be rejected by someone who is supposed to love you.
The rejection I experienced from my mom has led me to close my heart off to many people around me.
The only people I fully give my heart to are my children.
For everyone else, I close off part of my heart to protect it. I don’t love as fully as I should.
I suspect that a big reason why I am so anti-social is because I lack self-confidence.
When you are rejected, you blame yourself.
You don’t feel good enough to stand with others.
You become awkward, which makes everything even worse.
It becomes easier to be alone.
As the King’s stammer was his tangible manifestation of his hurts, my closed-off heart and inability to love and trust fully are the way I have dealt with the rejection I’ve experienced.
Watching the movie was a painful experience for me. I know I can’t especially empathize with a member of royalty as far as the stresses of being groomed for that kind of position in society goes; however, I can relate to the human need for love and acceptance, which was so clearly missing in this man’s young life and, most likely, responsible for the speech impediment he suffered from.
Those words, “You don’t need to be afraid of the things you were afraid of when you were five,” echoed long after the scene had ended.
I don’t have to fear rejection any more.
I don’t have to worry about someone or something being placed as greater importance than me.
My mom has no hold over me any more.
I am a Daughter of the King.
He will never reject me.
I don’t have to prove my worth to him by keeping a clean house, starched shirts, or perfect lesson plans.
I don’t have to be a gifted orator or win teacher of the year (I would love to win the cruise that goes with this award though!).
All I have to do is allow God to love me…
To heal me…
To help me forget the hurts that tie me down to a past that is LONG OVER.
You’d think that at the age of 44, I’d quit rehashing this stuff, but I think that’s why people like me need to do these Bible studies…
Because there’s always more work to be done.
All praise be to God for His grace and patience as I continue to work on becoming more like Him.
Filed under: Christian | Tagged: Christianity, Life's Healing Choices | 2 Comments »
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