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Public Opinion vs Insecurities

Posted on July 10, 2012 by auburnchick

I live near a beach.

My city’s beach is a favorite vacation spot.  Thanks to Facebook and the beach, I’ve been able to connect with friends I haven’t seen in years.

Last Friday, I met up with Patricia, a high school friend I haven’t seen in over twenty years.  I also got to meet her children.

The hugs were heartfelt as we greeted one another, and we quickly settled into a comfortable conversation.

We caught up on each others’ occupations (I’d always thought she stayed home full-time because of the pictures I’d seen on Facebook).

We discussed our husbands’ occupations and, of course, our children.

Slowly, the conversation turned deeper.

Something I’d mentioned earlier about being insecure around groups of people became a topic we discussed further.

The school we went to was very small.  It was, after all, located in a teensy town off the beaten path.

I don’t know why, but I found myself opening up to Patricia in a way I don’t open up to others often.

Yes, I know that may surprise you given my gift of gab, both written and in person if you know me in real life.

I told Patricia how I’d always felt inferior to Super Sis, who excelled at cheerleading, always had perfect hair, and could put outfits together like nobody’s business.

Patricia surprised me then by saying that she’d never looked at us that way.

I.

Was.

Shocked.

I’ve lived a lot of my life in the shadow of my sister.

It’s not her fault.  She’s just been living her life.

It’s my fault, allowing teenage insecurities along with tough life situations I dealt with while still a youngster, to affect my approach to life and my perception of how others view me.

Patricia told me that she shares some of the same insecurities that I do…worrying about wearing the right thing, saying the right thing, and doing the right thing.

Interesting, eh?

She was a cheerleader and an excellent student.

She had a lot of friends…probably because of her quick smile and gentle nature.

We had such a wonderful visit in that ice cream parlor, and I hated to part ways.

As I drove home, I had tears in my eyes.

Patricia’s words, “I never saw you that way,” really touched me.

Her words made me wonder, too, how those I grew up with really saw me.

It was funny because her husband, who was in her class (thus I knew him too) called her while we were talking and told her that since I was always so smart in school, could I help him convert ounces to teaspoons?  For the record, I was never good at math, but thanks to technology and a little thing called “Google,” I quickly found the answer for him.

Still, it revealed another opinion someone had of me while I was younger.

All of this makes me wonder why we, as humans, allow ourselves to stay stuck inside of our insecurities.

Why do we allow these insecurities to dictate the decisions we make.

How often have you NOT done something because of your fear of what others might think.

That doesn’t mean you have to sing in public if you have a voice like mine.  No sense breaking wine glasses or anything.

Still, though, if you’re singing out to make someone laugh or because you love someone, does it really matter what others think?

Even if you don’t have a good reason for singing out or dancing or doing a herky jerky (that’s a cheerleader jump, I think) while in the middle of a crowd, why let what others think stop you?

I think we hide behind our insecurities because it’s the safest thing to do.

To do otherwise takes courage.

It means we’re willing to step outside of our comfort zone.

Just think of the fun we’ve missed out on.

What if we’ve missed out on undiscovered talents or new interests, simply because we wouldn’t give ourselves permission to spread our wings and try to fly?

Super Sis and I have talked about this topic.  It’s neat to have adult conversations with your adult siblings, isn’t it?

When Super Sis and I first began broaching this subject, I discovered something.

She’d had some of the same fears I’d had growing up.

Dang.

Instead of arguing so much, we should have been having hearts-to-hearts while we were growing up.  We sure missed out on a lot!!

Sharing with Patricia reminded me that I am not alone, but it was neat to see her huge smile as she, too, had that “Aha” moment where she realized the same thing.

I think where it comes to public opinion, we’d all be very surprised to find that what others think of us is vastly different from what we think they think of us, if you’re following my logic.

Things to think about.

Yeah, I can get deep sometimes.

Filed under: This-n-That | Tagged: | 4 Comments »

Yearly Shots

Posted on July 9, 2012 by auburnchick

Last week, I took Aubie and Pele for their yearly shots.

I’ll admit that I am somewhat cheap as far as pet checkups go.

I only go for the shots…no “examination.”

I’m their mama, after all, and very attune to their nuances.  I take them in when they need attention.

The dogs had no idea what they were in for.  Aubie eagerly jumped into the car.

Pele did his thing…put his front legs on the seat and turned to look at us with an expression that said, “Is somebody gonna give me a lift?”

He’s lazy like that.

His excitement turned to anxiety, however, when we got to the clinic, and despite his large size…a whopping 99.9 pounds (up almost five since last year)…he whimpered like a baby.

Thank goodness Rooster had gone with me to help me out.  I don’t think I could have managed both dogs on my own.

Pele turned to mush, though, when the techs grabbed hold of him in the room and clipped his nails.  He also loved the vet and didn’t even tighten his butt cheeks when they gave him one of his shots.

Good boy!

Aubie was her happy-go-lucky self and licked everyone to death.

When we took them out to the car, Pele was so excited to be going home that he jumped in all the way…on his own.

Turd.

Yes, I just said that.

😀

I snapped these photos of the dogs while waiting in the Starbucks drive-thru (a reward to Rooster and myself for surviving the appointment)…

Filed under: Pets | Tagged: | Leave a comment »

Cooking Up a New Batch

Posted on July 8, 2012 by auburnchick

How many of you were enjoying parades and barbecues on the 4th of July?

Not this kid.

Nope.

I did venture out, stupidly braving a bad thunderstorm, to use a $3.50 Ulta coupon to pick up three bottles of nail polish (feeding my addiction) that were on sale B2G1.

While at the mall, I also stopped by the coastal market and picked up my favorite Balsamic Black Bean Dip.

When I got home, I decided it was time to cook up a new batch of laundry detergent.

You might recall that it was two years ago that I blogged about making my own detergent and fabric softener.  I reviewed my results here.

I could not believe that my tub of detergent lasted over two years…through four people doing multiple loads of laundry each week.

Well, I guess it was more like three people since Chicky was away at college much of that time.  Still, she was home last summer.

I have had to make more of the fabric softener, but the detergent really stretched itself out.

I figure it must have cost a mere penny or two per load.

Pretty good, eh?

Here’s the new batch, all ready for the laundry room…

It wasn’t a bad way to spend the 4th…not bad at all!

Filed under: Saving Money | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

“You Look Rested”

Posted on July 7, 2012 by auburnchick

Last Sunday, I saw my mentor at church.

Cinda is a wonderful lady.  I didn’t know her before I started teaching at my new school last year.  I’d never noticed her at church before.  What a small world, eh?  God certainly had fun putting the two of us together.

🙂

Seeing Cinda always brings a smile to my face.  She’s so warm and thoughtful, and she’s a wonderful mom to boot.  She always inspires me.

As we chatted after the service, she said, “You look rested.”

I thought about that a moment and chuckled, telling her that I didn’t know how rested I was with me staying up until 2am and sleeping until 10:30 or 11.

Go ahead.

Be jealous.

Then, I had a thought.

What she was seeing wasn’t necessarily a gal who was rested.

She was seeing me with very little stress reflected on my face.

Stress is such a weighty thing, is it not?

I am the type of person whose face reveals whatever I’m thinking or feeling.

I despise being this way…not being able to disguise my thoughts.

This tendency makes me feel very exposed.

When I’m stressed, which is pretty much most of the school year thanks to my overachieving self, I feel like a hundred pounds is sitting on top of my head and shoulders.

I just want to be the best I can be and not let my students down.

I suspect that most teachers feel the same way.

Thank goodness for the summer.

Thank goodness for the “time” to relax, even while reflecting, without the pressure of constant lesson planning and assessing.

Yes, I guess I am rested, but mostly, I’m decompressed and de-stressed.

August is slowly looming on the horizon.

Until then, I’ll make the most of every free moment left.

Filed under: Teaching | Tagged: | 2 Comments »

Summertime Reading

Posted on July 6, 2012 by auburnchick

Before school let out for the summer, I kept getting asked, “What are you going to be doing this summer?”

I always responded with, “Taking a Reading Endorsement class, attending workshops, and getting my classroom ready for August.”

I didn’t see much time in my schedule for anything but work.

Thankfully, my summer is turning out a lot more pleasant than I’d anticipated.

I successfully completed my class seven and a half weeks ahead of schedule thanks to my digging in and working hard as soon as that final school bell rang.

Working in my classroom has come to a halt until the previous teacher, now “officially” in the role of Administrative Assistant at my school, removes her stuff from her old/my new classroom.  That should happen next week.

My inservice workshops kick into high gear the week after next.

Thus, I’ve had some down time.

What have I done with the time?

Take a look at the following…

Those are five of the six books I purchased for my classroom as soon as I got my summer paychecks.  I didn’t want to put them in my classroom without at least having read them.  After all, it’s hard to recommend books for students if you haven’t actually read them yourself.

So, I started working my way through them.

I started off with Hate List, by Jennifer Brown.

This book is about Valerie, a girl whose boyfriend kills and injures students at the high school they attend.  He wounds Valerie before killing himself.  The book is told from her perspective and tells the story of how she must come to terms with his actions, which stemmed from a list they made of those they hated.  The book ultimately tells the story of forgiveness.  A side theme, but no less important, is how we misconstrue the small actions of others.

The entire time I read the book, I kept thinking about the Columbine tragedy.  It was eerie, I’ll admit, but my heart went out to Valerie as she struggled within the arenas of home and school to fight through the blame and hurt surrounding this tragedy.

It made for a very good read.

The next book I read was Sarah’s Key, by Tatiana de Rosnay.

I’ve always been intrigued by stories about the Holocaust.  I have read extensively about it, both in history classes and on my own.

This book is about a French Jewish girl, Sarah, who locks her brother in a hidden closet during a midnight raid, now known as the Vel’ d’Hiv’ roundup, that’s initiated by the French police.  She promises her brother that she will come back for him when she’s let go.

She’s too young to understand what’s happening, and she doesn’t get to go back as promised.

Fast forward sixty years, and American-born journalist Julia Jarmond is assigned the task of writing about the roundup.  Through carefully constructed twists of fate, the lives of these two women intersect, and the secret of what happens to Sarah’s brother is revealed.

This story was difficult to read, as is most literature about this time period.  The thought that humans could be so cruel to a race “selected” to be of lesser value is beyond comprehension, and this story is heartbreaking.

I love the way the book’s chapters alternate between Sarah’s story and Julia’s.  I love the open ending, which allows the reader to create a future to suite one’s taste.

I hope my students enjoy this book and will use it as a springboard to researching other incidents in history.  I may use this as a read-aloud with just such an assignment attached.  We shall see.

It wasn’t long after closing the cover on Sarah’s Key that I began my next book…Snitch, by Allison van Diepen.

I first discovered this book last school year when I saw it on Amazon when I was looking for other books to buy.  The cover caught my attention immediately, as it will my students, I’ll bet.

This story is about Julia, a gal who does her best to avoid getting involved in the gang scene at school.  Despite her promise to herself and her best friend, she does get sucked in, thanks to her attraction to a member of the opposite sex (I’ve always advocated that teenage dating is not a good idea).

To protect her new guy, she warns him of an attack, and boy does she pay the price, as only a snitch can.

Julia finds herself caught between a rock and a hard place, with difficult choices to make and each choice leading to its own consequences.

This is a story about how, sometimes, things aren’t black and white.

As a person who doesn’t see a lot of gray areas in life, this book caught me off guard.  I realized that I live life with rose-colored glasses and often fail to see what’s simmering below the surface of my students’ lives.

I never had to worry about things like gangs and drugs in school, thank heavens.  However, the kids I teach do have to worry.  I’ve seen students looking over their shoulders as they try to get to the bathroom safely.

After reading this book, I understand the gang dynamics a lot better, and it’s my hope that with me teaching ninth graders, perhaps I will be able to really “hear” what’s going on…the challenges my students face as they adjust to high school…the pressures they face to fit in.

The next book I began reading was by the same author…Street Pharm.

This was a wonderful book and such an eye-opener for me!

It tells the story of Ty, a high school student who takes over his father’s drug business after his father gets sent to prison.

Prior to reading the book, I thought I wouldn’t like Ty.  I mean, knowing what his occupation was made me turn my nose up.

Then, I started reading his story, and I couldn’t help but feel empathy for him.

He tries so hard to do the right thing, and he does sometimes; however, he’s so caught up in the business that he can’t get out.

Ty’s story isn’t all that different from any other person’s.  We all get caught up in doing stuff we know isn’t right (although I’d like to believe that the majority of us don’t participate in illegal activities).

Everyone fights the side of us that wants to act “right” … until our humanness takes over.

I saw so many of my own students through the struggles that Ty goes through, and it broke my heart.

I really think my students will like both of van Diepen’s books…both for the short chapters and for characters that are easy to relate to.

The last of this group of books that I read was Cut, by Patricia McCormick.

This is the story of Callie, a young girl who is in a treatment center because she cuts herself.

Callie tells her own story…about the group of girls she’s placed with…about her struggles to speak…about the one-on-one therapy sessions she must endure.

Callie’s story is raw, and you feel her emotions deeply.

Her story moved me.  I was touched as I watched her grow fond of the other girls who are struggling with their own issues…mostly cutting and eating disorders.

Callie’s family is a mess, to boot, so this story isn’t just about her coming to terms with what’s causing her to harm herself but seeking forgiveness from her family and learning to forgive herself.

The last two sections of the book include an interview with the author and her own final thoughts on the book.  I was impressed to read about her uncertainty when she asked a group of girls from a rehabilitation facility to read her manuscript and provide input.

She wanted to make sure she got the details correct and was astounded when all was, surprisingly, accurate.

This is another book that I believe my students…probably the girls mainly…will enjoy.

All of these books books should be in a high school reading or English teacher’s classroom library.  They are relevant to kids’ lives, and they provide openings for discussing the issues that kids are facing today.

Filed under: Books | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

I Missed My Calling

Posted on July 5, 2012 by auburnchick

Yesterday, while watching the Today Show, I saw the video you’ll find at the end of this post.

As I watched, I realized that I have, obviously, missed my calling.

I am of the generation who grew up learning how to type on manual typewriters.

At my school, typing was taught by a former military guy, Mr. H., and boy, was he tough!

We were NEVER allowed to look at the keys while we typed, and doing so was sure to incur his wrath.

He stood behind us while we typed, increasing the stress factor.

I’ll tell you something, though.

Tough as his methods were, they worked.

There was not a hunt-and-peck person to be found when we walked out of that classroom door for the final time that year.

Even the boys, who struggled in academic classes, could type their own papers without looking at the keys.

I loved my typing class.

I excelled in it…so much so, that I attended and won the state typing championship in 1987.

Yes, I was nerdy like that.

My typing skills have served me well over the years, but I never, in my wildest dreams, imagined that I could have combined my love for music with my typing skills, as seen in the video below.

The video just goes to show you that you can use just about anything to make music.

As you watch, pay attention to the looks on the faces of the conductor and other musicians.

Too priceless!

Oh, and the guy playing the typewrite??  What a ham!

This ranks as one of my favorite videos!!

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZCh4EY_kug

Filed under: This-n-That | Tagged: | 3 Comments »

Independence Day 2012

Posted on July 4, 2012 by auburnchick

I am so grateful to those who went before me…bravely standing their ground so that I could have the freedoms I enjoy today.

I am so grateful to those who serve, even while I sleep, to ensure that these freedoms are enjoyed.

Thank you!

Filed under: This-n-That | Tagged: | 2 Comments »

A Blogger With Attitude

Posted on July 3, 2012 by auburnchick

That’s the partial description of how my new bloggy friend, Melanie, described me when she bestowed the Versatile Blogger Award on me.

Melanie has been teaching for awhile now, and she recently began her own personal blog after delving, briefly, into the blogging world through another opportunity.

I had to chuckle at her “attitude” description.  My students would probably say she hit the nail on the head with that word!  My students know that if I’m wearing heels, the level of attitude increases dramatically.  Especially when I’m wearing my pink sparkly heels.

😀

Take a few minutes to pop over to her little corner of the world.  She has the neatest and most practical ideas for engaging students in the learning process.  I have absolutely no idea how I found her blog, but I sure am glad I did!

Ok…so this award comes with some “rules…”

The random fact thing…boy, that is going to be tough because I’ve been blogging for a while now…almost five years (gosh, time flies!!).  You guys know that I am an open book.

Ok…here we go…please forgive me if I’ve said anything before in a post…chalk it up to old-timer’s disease (at the ripe old age of 42)…heehee…

1.  I get carsick if I sit in the back seat of a car.  I’m going to SMART training in a few weeks, and I’ve heard talk that the district is renting a van or two to carry us all down.  I really don’t want to throw a tantrum about getting that front seat, but…

2.  I’m a night owl.  I don’t quite know how this happened…a slow process.  That is why getting back into the school year will be very difficult.  I am completely loving staying up until 2am and sleeping in until 10 or 11.

3.  I am seriously considering starting a knitting club for interested students at my school.  My hope is that once I teach them the basic stitches, we can begin knitting baby blankets to give to expectant mothers at the school.  I envision something similar to the Oddball Baby Blanket project I used to be a part of.

4.  I’m a sports junkie.  As the mom of a daughter who’s played soccer most of her life and a son who played both baseball and soccer, I appreciate the hard work that goes into becoming an athlete.  Pro sports don’t interest me too much, unless you’re talking soccer or NASCAR, but college sports…oh my.  I especially love the Olympics and have been in my element with the Olympic trials going on.

5.  I would LOVE to go to a NASCAR race and meet some of my favorite drivers.  This is an item on my bucket list.  For the record, my favorite drivers do not include the Busch brothers.  Sorry.  Just being honest.

6.  I’m on the lookout for a cupcake place that has vegan cupcakes.  I guess all of that late-night TV viewing is getting to me…Food Network…Cupcake Wars…  Living in Podunk, USA, means I have very limited options.  I did find a cupcake cafe not too far from my house, but when I went in and inquired about vegan cupcakes, the lady looked at me like I was nuts.  She told me that kids would not be open to eating something called “vegan.”  I told her she should put them out as a way to entice people to try something healthy.  GRRR…

7.  I loathe companies that either don’t show up on time for appointments or do not get back with you with promised estimates.  A few years ago, I had a local lady come in and do my blinds.  Her company has been in business for almost thirty years.  Well, thanks to puppy #4, Gambit, I have need for her services again.  The first thing she did wrong was come late…an hour!  She claimed that she left me a voicemail telling me she was going to be late.  That’s a load of c-r-a-p.  She didn’t.  Then, when I asked her to give me an estimate to put sheers on two French doors, she said that she’d call me back.  She doesn’t do email.  Guess what?  I’ve never heard back from her.  I’ve decided that I will find another company to fix the blinds that Gambit messed up and will talk to the company about the sheers.  After I settle on a new company, I’m going to send the other lady a letter explaining that she lost a customer.  Grrr.

Ok…so now I’ve got to nominate fifteen bloggers for the award.

This is tough.  I do read a lot of blogs, I’ll admit, although I did cull down my list after I began teaching.  It was taking too long to read everything!!  Plus, knowing me and my wordiness, I always had to leave comments…put my $.02 in, ya know.

Here goes…

Rebecca – My first bloggy friend.  We have so many things in common that it’s scary.  I totally know that we’d be over at each others’ houses all the time if we lived closer…like in the same state.  heehee

Nancy – Retired teacher and crafter extraordinaire!  Nancy comments often, giving me encouragement when I need it.  She’s also faithful to reply personally every time I comment on her blog.

Taylor – Young mom of a bunch of kids…I don’t know how she makes it through each day.  Her kids’ antics are almost too crazy to believe, but believe her I do.  She usually has pictures that serve as evidence (one day these will serve her well…as in bribery material).  Oh, and for the record, her husband isn’t a lumberjack.  He’s an electrician.  Identity crisis?  Maybe after having four children in not so many years…yes.  heehee

April – Mother of two precious daughters.  We “met” when our girls were being recruited by colleges for their respective sports prowess.  April inspires me with her dedication to her family.

Mary – Band mom and speech pathologist in the public school system.  We actually met in real life a little over a year after we’d been reading each others’ blogs!  I love her humor.  Toward the end of the school year, we count down together.  She’s usually out before I am, and I think she secretly enjoys it.  LOL

Natalie – Young mom and fellow knitter.  I just love this lady.  She’s an animal lover and fellow Floridian and the mother to one of the cutest little girls I’ve ever seen!

Christina – One of my very best BFFs.  We’ve never met in real life, but we talk on the phone almost every day.  We met through a knitting website, and we started talking on the phone after her oldest son was severely burned.  He spent several months in the hospital, and I began calling her daily to try to get her mind off of things.  I keep trying to get her to send me some of her yarn…the best stuff, of course…to which she responds by telling me she’ll send me a bucket of her Red Heart.  Folks, this is a slur, let me tell you.  If you’re a yarn snob like me, you understand.

Joyce – Mom of two grown young ladies.  I love Joyce’s stories about the places she’s traveled to and lived in.  She is such a hands-on mom.  Though I will never be as talented as she is regarding cooking, decorating, or hosting shin-digs, I live vicariously through her.

Linda – Fellow Christ-follower and book reviewer.  Linda has a lot of fun giveaways.  If you are looking for good Christian reading, visit her blog for reviews of the latest books.

Anni – Talk about a blogger with attitude!  This lady is hysterical!  Her posts are full of amazing pictures.  The comments she leaves on my blog make me laugh out loud…for real.

A Teacher’s Treasure – Fellow Floridian teacher with lots of innovative ideas and foldables!!

Lidna (actually Linda, but she got the nickname from a friend) – This gal is a hoot!  She is a thoughtful writer and at an interesting point in her life…a few changes that she didn’t expect but is adapting to and writing about, sometimes.

Tiffany – Another teacher/bloggy friend of mine.  She returned to school, as I did, after having children, and she’s about to begin her first year of teaching!  I am so excited for her!

Tom – One of my pastors.  He’s a young dad whose wife just gave birth to their third child.  His wit is quick, and his comments will make you laugh and think hard too.  He is such a blessing to my church.

David – Fellow teacher, Christ follower, and a pastor.  I met David last year when we were going through the teacher certification program at my local state college.  He pastors a small church but was looking for a way to earn some extra money while, at the same time, following a passion of his.  His posts are so raw and honest.  You can see that he truly has a servant’s heart.

Melanie, thanks again for the award.  Sharing my own favorite blogs was a fun way to honor the people I’ve grown to cherish through the forum we call “the Internet.”

Filed under: This-n-That | 4 Comments »

Not So Honest Abe

Posted on July 2, 2012 by auburnchick

When Chicky was home a couple of weekends ago, we went, as a family, to see the movie Abraham Lincoln:  Vampire Hunter.

I was excited.

I’m a history buff, you know.

As we sat through the previews, I grew nervous.

The previews were for scary movies, and I had to cover my eyes for most of them.

I wondered what in the world I’d gotten myself into.  As you know, most previews are for the same genre as the movie you’re about to see.

Chicky laughed at me.  Though she’s a chicken and has often slept in my bed after watching Criminal Minds, she’s also a college student who watches scary movies with her friends (wonder if she ever crawls into bed with them?!).

The premise of the movie intrigued me, although the Mr. and I were leery about a couple of sexual things we’d read about on Plugged In, a Christian movie review site.

We discussed these things with the kids, and we all agreed that we could look away from those scenes since there were only two of them.

The scenes came early (one was a lady and one of the main characters in the bathtub) and the other was a bare-chested dead woman (you could hardly see her because the movie’s lighting was dark in scene).

Ok…so, how did I like the movie?

Well, it was o-k-a-y.

It was gory…lots of violence and blood…lots…so much so that I had to look away…often.

This is NOT a movie for young movie goers…not at all.

I’ve done a lot of reading about Abraham Lincoln.  I’ve even read a biography about Mary Todd Lincoln.

She was nuts and a power-hungry control freak.

I did not like her depiction as a loving wife in this movie.

Remember that I am all about accuracy in my movies.

This movie reminded me a bit of the Highlander series…where people live forever unless they get their heads chopped off.

The special effects were excellent…the action scenes HUGE although so completely unbelievable.

Honestly, I wouldn’t go see this movie again, and I don’t think I’ll buy it when it comes out on DVD.

Filed under: This-n-That | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

Start Spreading the News

Posted on July 1, 2012 by auburnchick

Yesterday, I attended Madison’s funeral.

I wanted to share my thoughts.  I hope you’ll read all the way through because, though sad in parts, I think you’ll find yourself chuckling at the end.

Her funeral was held in the gymnasium where she’d spent so much of her high school days…in PE, as a cheerleader, and at various awards ceremonies.

I arrived early to get a seat.  Visitation was scheduled from 10-11.  The doors to the gym opened at 9:30.

Her parents began receiving people immediately, and a line quickly formed.

I was lucky.  I got in line early and waited about fifteen to twenty minutes.

The hugs were tight, let me tell you. The only thing I could say was, “I love you.”  What do you say in a situation like this?

Though the casket was open, I could not walk past it…I just couldn’t.

I’d seen Madison in the hospital, and that was enough.  I preferred to remember her as the vibrant, bouncy child that she’d been before the accident.

Instead, I walked away from Madison’s parents with a very heavy heart and tears flowing down my cheeks.

I joined others on the bleachers and watched, amazed, as the receiving line began to grow.

It wasn’t long before the line wound almost all the way around the entire gym.

I am not exaggerating.

I wondered how in the world the funeral was going to start at 11…if they were going to have to turn people away because of time.

Madison’s parents, though, met with every single person in line…hugged every neck…murmured words into every single set of ears…for almost two hours.

I’m absolutely positive that they greeted hundreds of people.

Around 11:30, the last person had been seated, and the gym grew very quiet as we watched Madison’s parents, brother, and boyfriend stand before the casket, whisper words we could not hear, and stroke her arm one final time.

As they turned to walk away, her mom went back one final time…the last to say goodbye.

I don’t think there was a dry eye in the gym as every person grieved.

As a mother, my heart hurt so badly for Madison’s parents.

Sigh.

The casket was closed while Madison’s immediate family left the gym for a few minutes.

When they returned, the service began with one of the teachers at the school, Mr. W., leading us in prayer and sharing his own “Madison Moments.”

Mr. W. takes his television production students to New York every year, and Madison had been on three of these trips.  She loved New York…so much so that she called Mr. W’s cell phone this past school year (she was in her first year of college), while he was on the trip, and asked him to tell the next person he met that, “Madison said hello.”

She called her mom during that trip and asked her to hold up the phone so she could hear the sounds coming from New York.

Mr. W described the plans that her parents have for her graveside.  He told us that instead of saying we would be visiting her grave, we’d go to Madison’s Square Garden.  Too cute and so fitting!

Madison’s boyfriend stood up and shared his thoughts about Madison.  It was apparent that he loves her a great deal.  Please pray for him as he returns to school and tries to find his way after losing the girl he cares about so much.

One of Madison’s classmates sang a song, and then it was time for the service to end.

The pallbearers…her brother, boyfriend, and cousins…stood up and began wheeling her casket toward the door that lead outside…the rest of her family falling into line behind.

And then we heard it…

The beginning of a song…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6uJi9D645w&feature=related

A collective laugh went up from all of us.

We couldn’t help it.

It was completely unexpected but, given all we’d heard during the service, so fitting.

As the opening notes played, Madison’s mom turned and began waving slowly.

Then she did something that was so Madison-like.

She began blowing us kisses…every so slowly…mouthing the words, “Thank you.”

I laughed.

I cried.

I’m crying as I write this.

It was probably one of the most bittersweet moments of the entire morning…second only to watching her kiss her beautiful girl for the last time.

The family asked for a private graveside ceremony, and we respected their wishes.

We had honored Madison in the way that befitted her best.

She would have loved it.

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