Sometimes I wonder if I will ever outgrow my awkwardness.
I don’t know about you, but I just don’t seem to do well around people I don’t know.
I am, to put it mildly, painfully shy.
Oh sure…I might seem like I’m extroverted from reading my blog, but in all reality, I’m not.
I really hate feeling this way. I think it holds me back from taking the initiative and meeting new people.
But still…I hesitate.
I think my feelings go back to when we moved to Alabama when I was in the 4th grade.
I did not know a soul, and moving from Colorado to Alabama was a HUGE change.
Not only was the weather different (I quickly learned what humidity was), but the language was different as well.
One of my classmates gave me an impromptu lesson in saying “ma’am” when I failed to follow protocol during class one day.
Well, excuse me.
My feelings of inadequacy grew when I changed schools at the beginning of sixth grade. My new classmates had attended school together since kindergarten, and I found it difficult to fit in.
Feelings of awkwardness continued to grow.
One would think that getting older…getting married…having children…would help.
Not.
If anything, my feelings grew even more.
Plus, there’s nothing like the close scrutiny of certain teenage female children to make you feel like your every move is wrong.
Sigh.
What is strange is that the only place I do not feel awkward is my classroom…surrounded by my students.
When I enter my classroom door, something magical happens.
I become free.
I forget about my awkwardness and just “am.”
I don’t worry about acting silly. I don’t even care how it comes across. All I know is that for once, I feel like I fit in.
What about you? Do you ever feel awkward? What do you do to get over these feelings?
Filed under: This-n-That | Tagged: awkwardness |
AuburnChick's Adventures 
You and I must be kindred spirits.
Of course I do…all the time! I was very shy, too, when I was younger, but I’ve gotten better over the years. I have to force myself to break out of that shell!
I have those feelings ALL the time… & it surprises everyone when I do because I’m one of those “loud” people… But I think its super cool that you are comfortable in your “Room” – with those kids… just says you are where you’re supposed to be!!! How cool is that 🙂
I can completely relate…..when I get in a classroom, I’m in MY ZONE and it’s so comfortable. I used to be very insecure, but then I realized and learned who I am in Christ. More shy or embarrassed around men….my brother called me stupid a lot. You wouldn’t think that would matter but it really affected me. I’m much better now….PTL!!!!
You are exactly where you are suppose to be!
I used to dwell on the complexity of awkwardness, but then I just decided to not care! I just don’t care about what people think of me anymore! This was especially hard for me in the beginning because of my hijab. People used to always stare at me weirdly when I was wearing long-sleeved tops during the summer. I used to never talk to anyone because of it. But then I STOPPED CARING. I would go up and talk to people with my strange attire and after the first couple of sentences, it would be cool. Since I am your proposed Mini-Me, I think it is my duty to share my philosophy with you. 🙂