AuburnChick's Adventures

God must really shake His head at some of the stupid things we humans argue about.

Take, for instance, the Mr.’s and my latest disagreement.

This is actually an ongoing thing, stemming from the earliest days of our marriage.

Do we argue over money?

Not very often.

Did he blow a top when I spent $200 on airline phone charges years ago before I knew that you got charged even if the person never picked up the phone?

Nope.

What about the time when I had the bathroom faucet taken apart and couldn’t put it back together with the mammoth wrench I had purchased.

Nope.

What drives the Mr. insane and will cause him to shake the walls with his yelling is…

and hold onto your hats…or rather your pants…

When he finds an roll of toilet paper on the hanger…one square left…and a new roll of toilet paper on the back of the potty.

Yes folks, this is what drives the man nuts (well…it’s one of quite a few things, but let’s not go there).

Truth be told, though, the situation is not as simple as it seems.

You see, I play a small role in the evolution of his anger (in this matter only, of course).

For a woman who will not hesitate to fix an oven, risk her life changing out the doorbell, or climb ladders to trim trees, one of the tasks I loathe the most is changing out the toilet paper roll.

I will, in fact, avoid it at all costs.

I have no explanation for why I feel so strongly about it.

I mean, it’s not a nasty job…certainly not near as bad as scrubbing the outside garbage can, which I did for the first time ever in my entire life yesterday evening.

There is just something I cannot stand about pulling off the empty roll and replacing it with a new one.

Now, you must understand that in the AuburnChick home, we go through a LOT of toilet paper.  The Mr. has Crohn’s Disease.  It’s a debilitating disease of the small intestine that pretty much keeps a person in close proximity to a restroom.

We buy the most expensive toilet paper — Charmin Aloe — and place it in the master bathroom only.  In fact, he’s known to travel with a few rolls of it, keeping it in his suitcase so the maids don’t inadvertently change it out.

The kids get what I like to nickname Gas Station Toilet Paper.  When you use it, it feels like you’re rubbing a Brillo pad across your rump.  Chicky actually used to ask for it.  She hates toilet paper that falls apart while you’re using it.  Rooster likes the good stuff but only gets to use it if the kids’ bathroom is occupied, and he has to go to the other one.

What was my point?  Oh yeah…we go through a lot of toilet paper, so replacing the empty rolls is almost a daily thing here.

I’ve tried my best to try to figure out a way to make it so he doesn’t know the new roll on the back of the potty hasn’t been used.  Thus far, I’ve been unsuccessful.

Have you ever noticed how you kind of have to pull on that first piece to dislodge it from the roll?  It’s a grand feeling…kind of like opening up a treat.

Weird, I know, but hey, whatever rocks your boat.

I’ve tried gently mashing down the end where I’ve pulled from…to re-stick it to the roll.

That doesn’t work.

Licking the edge of that end piece and sticking it down doesn’t work either.

Ewwww…gross…I can hear you now.

I’ve actually never done this, but it HAS crossed my mind…that’s how desperate I am.

Instead, I face the wrath.

Yesterday, I braced myself as he rushed straight for the Reading Room after getting home from work.

I can’t help but wonder if the Mr. didn’t go in, guns blazing.  You see, he knows my MO by now.  Of course, I didn’t disappoint.  I’m so predictable.  He let it be known, quite loudly at that, that he knew my game.

I would have taken cover except that I was stuck on the couch, sore from a day of working outside in the yard.

Some couples need therapy to learn how to handle money issues.

Not us.  We like to be different…stand out from the crowd.

Hmmm…I wonder if Dr. Phil has ever dealt with toilet paper issues in relationships.

Filed under: This-n-That | Tagged: arguments, dr phil, toilet paper |