AuburnChick's Adventures

…but it wasn’t for yarn…

If you’re a male, feel free to skip this posting.

If you’re a female, read on…

Let me first preface by saying that I fully expected this to be a stressful week. There is a special project going on at work, and your’s truly is responsible for making sure the computers are at tip-top working order.

Great…

Today, I went on-site to set up the computers, so I was not very close to home. Testing revealed that one of the computers was not working properly, I left to pick up its replacement. That was when I discovered that Mother Nature had wreaked havoc on my life..in a very obvious way. You’ve probably been there once or twice in your life, so you know what I’m talking about.

For the record, I don’t believe in “Mother Earth” and that sort of thing. However, I have a difficult time believing that the Lord, merciful as He is (and I know that He has his judgment side too) would allow such a travesty to befall me. Of course, I’ve been fighting with Soccer Chick an awful lot lately…maybe this is punishment for that.

Regardless, it happened. As “together” as I seem to be in my life, appearances can be deceiving. I do not think quickly on my feet. This latest event proved to be no exception to the rule.

I did a waddle/shuffle step back to the office that I had just exited, found my button-down sweater, and tied it around my waist, with Mr. Computer Guy (who was helping me) giving me the eye.

“Don’t ask,” I tell him with a look that silenced him…a difficult task if you know this man.

I get in my car and promptly call Mr. AuburnChick. He’s a man. He’s supposed to have the answer for everything. At least that’s what he thinks.

“Drive home,” he tells me.

Um…easier said than done. Mr. Computer Guy is waiting back in that office for me and is expecting a computer to appear in the next 20 minutes.

“Go buy yourself some new clothes. Dillards is right down the street,” says Mr. AuburnChick.

Are you kidding me? You think I should do the waddle/shuffle step into Dillards with a sweater tied three or four times around my waist? And to make it even worst, I had to turn that stupid sweater so the tie was hanging down the side of my body so everything was covered adequately. No, I wasn’t exactly in the mood to start a new fashion trend today, thank you very much.

Walmart happened to be really close, but I’m a dummy. I’m at the beach location, and I get lost here. Why in the world do you have three roads that run parallel with stores in-between…all within 1/2 of a mile from the beach? I can’t remember what is where. I get lost when I go to that part of town. And now I have to find a Walmart, pray it has pants to fit me, go back to our beach office, pick up a computer, and take it back to Computer Guy to set up…all within 20 minutes??

Mr. AuburnChick was nuts.

We’ve been married a long time. He knows how I am. He patiently gives me directions that, for a change, happen to be right on. I’ve never been so happy to see that blue and white sign in my life.

Out of the car I go…

Waddle/shuffle…waddle/shuffle…

Of course, I parked at the food end of the store…dang it. And now I’m getting a blister on my left foot. Stupid dress shoes.

Waddle/shuffle/limp…waddle/shuffle/limp…

All the way to the juniors department, which I know is going to have clothes that are too big.

I really wanted a skirt, but guess what? I didn’t shave my legs today. I have shaved my legs every day for about a month, and out of all of the days for this to happen, it has to be today. It’s much easier to fudge on sizes when it’s a skirt.

Great.

I’m trying to hurry as best as I can while looking for something to wear that meets our company’s dress code. Grrr…I’m totally missing the job where I could wear blue jeans to work. Grrr…

At some point I quit looking at styles and focus in on sizes. I’m desperate to find anything…the clock is ticking.  Size 14 seems to dominate the racks. What is up with this store? Don’t they know that little people shop there too? C’mon Walmart! You have got to do better than this.

Then, my eyes spy a size 4. It’s the smallest size of anything remotely business-like that I can find. I’m very petite…0’s and 1’s are what fit. I don’t say this to brag but so you understand the complexity of the situation. The pants are Capris. It will be okay if they are a little long. And they’re in a color that semi-matches my shirt.

I grab it and don’t even bother to try it on, rushing through the self checkout lane as best as I can.

Waddle/shuffle/limp…waddle/shuffle/limp…

I’m so glad they put the bathrooms at the front of the store. I ease in one of the stalls, change my clothes, and walk out of the store. This time, the walk is different…

Walk/limp/pull up pant…walk/limp/pull up pants.

I eventually arrive back at the site with another computer in my arms. Mr. Computer Guy doesn’t even bat an eyelash. He better not. I would have slugged him.

Filed under: This-n-That | Tagged: mother nature, shopping, walmart |