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What Do We Do Now?

Posted on August 6, 2010 by auburnchick

Eighteen years, seven months, and two weeks ago, the Mr. and I brought home a 7lb, 14oz bundle of joy.

We were young.

I was 21 3/4, and he was 26.

We did not know how to be parents.  All we knew was that we felt incredibly blessed.

We put her in the bassinet between our respective living room chairs.

And then we sat down.

We looked at her, laying so peacefully, and then we looked at each other.

We asked, “What do we do now?”

That’s when the fun began.

It wasn’t long before Chicky exercised her lungs and told us exactly what we could do with her.  From Day 1, she always knew what she wanted.

Over the years, we’ve asked ourselves this question many times.

None was tougher than today.

This was the day when, instead of bringing her home for the first time, we dropped her off somewhere…to stay…without us.

I’m no dummy.

Well, at least I thought I wasn’t.

I mean, I knew this day was coming.

Because Chicky and I haven’t been getting along very well, I figured I’d wave goodbye and do the happy dance back to the car.

The heavens must have laughed at me.

For a mom of 18+ years, I proved how ignorant I truly am.

Folks, I’ve been crying like a baby.

It started yesterday when we were getting ready to leave the house.

I could barely stand to look at Chicky’s room.

I did, though, snapping photos with the ole blog in mind…

As the Mr. and Chicky got in the car, I had to take a moment to collect myself.

Oh, who am I kidding.

I bawled my eyes out in the bathroom.

The thought of her leaving the security of my house did me in at the last second.

Coupled with the PMS I’m going through (thanks a lot, God…You could have planned this a little differently…), I was having a very rough time.

So, not only was I letting my baby go, but I was feeling chubby and bloated as well.

Yeah.

I know.

TMI.

Just sayin’.

Anyhoo…

The Mr. had rented a large SUV for the trip.

Thank goodness.

Chicky filled up every square inch…

Then, we hit the road.

We stopped in Tallahassee to see Coupon Queen and Grand Pooba.  They treated us to a deli sandwich lunch and cookies.  Chicky picked out a couple of towels and washcloths to take with her.  You know grandparents.  They have loads of this stuff.

They gave Chicky a goody package as well.  It was wrapped in plastic stuff, so she had to wait to open it.

After taking pictures, we left.

The rest of the drive was fairly uneventful.  At one point, I took a peek back at Chicky, only to find her asleep.  This was monumental because Chicky never sleeps in the car.  She was exhausted from all of the packing and excitement.

We arrived in Lakeland later in the evening and decided to eat at B D’s Mongolian Grill.

Oh my gosh.  What a wonderful restaurant!  You get to pick out your meat and veggies, make your own sauce, and the cooks grill everything up for you…

YUM!!

After that, we went back to the hotel.

It felt strange…almost like we were about to attend a soccer tournament.

But in the backs of our minds, we knew the truth.

Chicky and I shared a bed, and I don’t know if it was because it was cool in the room or because she knew she would miss me, but she unconsciously let me snuggle with her.

When you’re 18, it’s way not cool to snuggle with mom.

I found comfort in the closeness.  I needed this after the months we’ve been at each others’ throats.

Before I knew it, the day I had dreaded dawned upon me.

Chicky looked very happy.

Duh.

She was a little nervous, though.  She begins pre-season practice tomorrow, and of course she wants to do well.

As I took a final picture of her in the hotel room, I couldn’t help but think about how, in less than 12 hours, I would be returning to this room…without her…sitting in the same chair that she was, at that moment, occupying.

So sad…

I fought back tears.

We drove to the college, left her at the gym for a new player meeting, and walked around, looking for a place to eat.  I snapped a few photos of the campus…

Chicky's dorm

The main walkway between buildings

The cafe

The courtyard

The lake (don't know the name)

We wound up eating at the cafe on campus.  I had the Sun Dried Tomato Chicken Sandwich.  Oh my gosh.  It was DELICIOUS!  The next time we come down, I will definitely be ordering it again!

Then, it was time to meet back up with Chicky, who was undergoing her physical.

Once that was done, we headed over to her dorm to check her in, get her room key, and move her in.

We had approximately four hours.

We needed every second.

We met Chicky’s roommate, a sweet girl who is a sophomore at the college.  She and Chicky hit it off when Chicky visited the college a few months ago.  It’s so great that Chicky has a ready-made friend.

We helped Chicky unpack and organize her room.  Actually, she told me where she was putting things, and I obeyed…

This will be how things will roll from here on out.

Oh, who am I kidding.  This is how things have rolled for a long time now.

The room is actually larger than what I expected.  You can kind of see in the following picture…

I took more pictures so you could get a better idea of the layout of the room…

Two dorm rooms share one potty and shower. Each room has its own vanity.

We decided to run to Walmart for a few last-minute supplies…fruit, snacks, and paper products.  I also needed to get a screwdriver and hammer to put together her TV stand.  I just couldn’t leave it still in the box…

Back to the dorm we went, a bit in a hurry because we were going to be late for the pizza dinner and parent meeting.

I put the stand together in 20 minutes…

Then, I left the tools in Chicky’s desk drawer.  She thinks she won’t need them.  Girls ALWAYS need tools!

Meanwhile, the Mr. was rushing me.  We were already late to the dinner.

But, I wanted so badly to dawdle.

If I took my time, I figured I’d get to see Chicky that much longer.

No can do, folks.  The coach told us when it was time to say our goodbyes.

It felt like being in the military.

Chicky walked us to the car.

Now, I ask you.

How do you say goodbye to the child you’ve been with almost 24/7 for the last 18+ years?

It’s not easy.

She actually hugged us.

Real hugs.

The kind where you use two arms.

And you squeeze.

Yes, folks, I actually felt her squeeze me.

I kept reaching in for more hugs.

She couldn’t pull back.  She was out of excuses.

She knew this was my time.

She finally told us she was walking away because if she didn’t, we’d never leave her.

Oh, but my heart was about to break.

We got in the car and started driving down the lane.

We saw her walking.

I had my camera.

We called out to her, and she turned.

She had a huge smile on her face, and she raised her hand up in a wave.

My heart broke in that moment.

She was happy.

I was sad.

We drove on.

The Mr. and I didn’t speak for a while.

All I could think about was that she was about to experience new things, and I wouldn’t be there to share them with her.

It made me feel lonely and left out.

The Mr. and I returned to the hotel room.  We’ll be leaving for home first thing in the morning.

I went into the restroom, where I broke down.

I had done so good in front of Chicky.  I’d only shed a couple of tears in that final moment of separation.

But once I was by myself, I cried and cried.

All I could think about was that moment 18 years ago when she was all mine for the very first time.

Ultimately, I realize that she hasn’t been mine all along.

She is God’s child, and He has plans for her life.

I feel so privileged to have been a part of that plan.

When I exited, the Mr. and I looked at each other and asked, “What do we do now?”

I really don’t know.  I guess we’ll just get in the car in the morning and leave, like we’re supposed to.

Meanwhile, I comforted myself with this…

…along with the knowledge that Chicky is in God’s hands.  He knows her every need and desire.  His is always with her.

Filed under: children | Tagged: , , | 7 Comments »

One Week From Today…

Posted on July 31, 2010 by auburnchick

…I will be home after taking Chicky to college…

and leaving her there.

Throughout the day, several routine things have reminded me of this fact…

  • Walking down the hallway and seeing the stuff that she has been buying for the last three months…

She’s been moving these items out of her room…inching them ever closer to the garage door.

  • Setting up the “About Me” bulletin board in my classroom…adding pictures of the family…

As I carefully arrange them…one by one, I am taken back to the exact moment when I snapped each one…

    • Chicky and Rooster – an Olan Mills photograph…1998…oh so sweet and best pals…
    • The “First Day of School” picture from last year…Rooster towered over Chicky by at least five inches…
    • The “Make a Crazy Face” picture of the entire family (Coupon Queen, Grand Pooba, Super Sis and her family) during Christmas…
    • An action shot of Chicky on the soccer field…
    • The lovely picture of Chicky all dolled up to walk across the football field as the Homecoming Soccer Candidate…
    • Chicky in her graduation attire.
  • Receiving her text that is letting me know she is on her way home from work…her last day of work until she comes home for Christmas vacation.
  • Filling up her daily pill container…making sure I haven’t left out any of the vitamins or allergy pills she has been mandated to take.

One week from today, my oldest baby will leave the nest.

Sure, she’ll return home every now and then, but things will never be the same.

One week from today, my Chicky will spread her wings and fly.

Filed under: children | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

A New Beginning and a Lesson in Trust

Posted on April 9, 2010 by auburnchick

Look what Chicky was up to this week…

I don’t know if you can tell, but that box contains graduation invitations.

Yet another milestone for the girl…for all of us, actually.

As I write this, Chicky and the Mr. are on their way home from an out-of-town visit.

They were down south, visiting a college.

But it wasn’t Rollins.

It was another college.

You see, the hard week I referred in one of my recent posts was about Chicky’s recent announcement that she wants to attend a different college.

In a way, I wasn’t completely surprised, but the news still came as a shock.  It’s been something I’ve been coming to terms with over the last two weeks.

This has been similar to a grieving process.  Rollins seemed like the perfect fit – academically, athletically, and socially.

I was numb at first.  Then, I got angry.  I asked a lot of questions.

In between those phases, I cried a lot.

I tend to be a woman of my word, so for me, her going back on her promise to play soccer at Rollins just reeked of poor judgment.

Poor Chicky.  I know it was hard for her.  She had wrestled with this decision for a while before getting up the courage to speak her mind.

She told us that she believes that God is leading her somewhere else.  She recently found out that Rollins’ head coach accepted a position at a larger school in a different state.  She took this as a sign from God that this was not the school for her.

She wants to attend a small, Christian college – Southeastern University.  It also happens to be the college that Guy Friend attends, although she made quick assurances that his presence there isn’t the reason she wants to attend (I’m not completely sold on that).

The thing about this college is that the environment is Christian-oriented.  Chicky wants to immerse herself in this atmosphere where partying isn’t the main reason students choose to attend.

The school has a number of athletic teams, including a women’s soccer team.  Guy Friend plays on the men’s team.

I’ve gotta tell you that this has been a defining moment in her life and mine as well.

As a mom, Chicky’s decision has become the event that has led me to let go of her.  I have come to the realization that Chicky is her own person, and this is her life.

For her, I think it has become important that she be the “driver” of her life, so to speak.  I pray she understands that she’s only riding in the front seat beside God, who is really the One in control of her life.

This decision, though, has caused Chicky to take up the reins and drive the vehicle that has turned off the path already paved into the unknown.

She spent the following days calling Rollins’ coaches (oy, but this grieves me so much as I LOVE them), getting her soccer release taken care of, and applying for admission to the new school.  She has also been applying for scholarships and financial aid, as this is another private college and not cheap.

She wants to go, and she’s making every effort to make it happen.

This is a new beginning for her.

It has become a huge lesson of trust for me.

I know that God has a plan for her life.  I don’t know if she’s making a mistake.  I thought, at first, that she was.  Now, I’m not so sure.

But I know that whether it’s a mistake or whether it truly has been God’s plan for her all along, God will use whatever comes to shape her life and make her into the woman He intends for her to be.

The trust comes in letting God do His thing without my worrying about it.

I am also having to learn to trust Chicky.

In the middle of my huge sob-fest, Chicky drew near, tears running down her own face, and asked me to trust her.

I’m trying.  It’s hard.  But God is working on my heart.

This is, quite obviously, a new beginning for me as well.

Filed under: children, Christian | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

It’s Official!

Posted on February 3, 2010 by auburnchick

Today is National Signing Day.

If you’re not a sports person, you might not know that National Signing Day is the all-important milestone in a young athlete’s career.

It is the day he/she signs a Letter of Intent…the contract between the athlete and a college.

Important stuff.

We received Chicky’s paperwork in the mail a couple of days ago; however, NCAA rules state that an athlete cannot sign the letter until February 3rd.

We decided to wait until this afternoon because mornings are always rush-time for us.  Plus, I wanted to make sure we did things properly…camera at the ready, of course.

As we set the papers on the table, I felt emotional.  I simply could not believe that this moment was finally here…a culmination of the last 12 years of hard work and steely determination.  I wish I had kept track of the number of practices we’ve driven Chicky to…the number of games she’s played in, the miles we’ve put on our cars, and the number of weekends we woke up at the crack of dawn for.

Twelve years sounds like a long time, but it seems like it flew by.

All for this moment…

My sweet Chicky, pink fingernails and all, is now, officially, a Rollins Tar.

Chicky, if you happen to be reading Mama’s blog, here’s a special message to you:

Today is another big milestone for you.  I am incredibly proud of you.  I remember you in your pig tails, dribbling the ball around as only a six year old can.  You didn’t know what you were doing, but you were having fun.  Oh, how my heart swelled with pride when I watched you play in your first game.

And oh, the laughter that filled my lungs when I watched you get chased by a bumblebee while you took your turn playing goalie.  That goal was so big, and you were so small, and there you ran, trying to escape the bee not concerned one iota about what was going on in the game.

And you grew.

As you grew, you got better, and you gained confidence.

And my heart overflowed with joy as I watched you doing something you enjoyed so much.

Every season, you have gotten better and better.

Oh, how my eyes have filled with tears as I’ve watched you unknowingly inspire others through your triumphs over the challenges thrown in your path.

As important as soccer has been in helping you develop into a shining jewel, I pray that you take away one very important lesson.  Though you sign this Letter of Intent, this game of soccer is not what defines who you are.

Playing soccer is what you do.  It will allow you to get an solid education, give you an immediate circle of friends, and give you a niche to fit into at college.

However, being a child of God is who you are.  THIS is what defines you, on and off the field…wherever you go in life.

I know that YOU know this, because daily I observe you living your life in a way that honors Him.  May you always do so.

Of this, I am and will be most proud.

I love you more than you will ever know.

Love,

Mama ♥

Filed under: This-n-That | Tagged: , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

It Was Only a Dream

Posted on November 13, 2009 by auburnchick

Chicky and I stood in her dorm.

We were laughing, enjoying our conversation and one another’s company.

I don’t remember what was said…only that we had finally reached a point in our relationship where we truly respected and loved each other.

Then, it was time for me to go.

I felt a great wave of sadness wash over me.  I started crying and thought about how I had not cried when I dropped her off at college a few weeks before.  Somehow, leaving her this time felt different…more permanent.

My sobs poured from deep within me.

With a start, I woke up only to find my face wet with the tears I had just shed while I had slumbered.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized that it was only a dream.

And yet, the entire day, I felt as if I was carrying a weight of somberness because I know that this dream will become reality in a few short months.

Filed under: children | Tagged: , , | Leave a comment »

Guy Friend Leaves for College

Posted on August 6, 2009 by auburnchick

It’s a sad day…Guy Friend is leaving for college today.

Chicky is, to put it mildly, quite upset.

He’s been a part of our extended family for a year now, and it will seem a lot quieter in the house now.

He is the kind of guy who brings a room to life.  His energy (a bit ADD) and boyish smile can make even the grumpiest of people (not me, of course) happy.

He’ll be attending a Christian college where he’ll also play soccer for the school.

Guy Friend was at the house last night, but I was sick and unable to say goodbye to him.  Instead, I drove to his house today and gave him a big hug.  I also told him that I will be praying for him.

Sigh…

It feels like one of my own children is leaving.

Filed under: children | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

A Conversation With Soccer Chick

Posted on November 7, 2008 by auburnchick

Soccer Chick played her first high school game of the season on Tuesday.  It was an easy victory.

After the game, Soccer Chick and I left for home.  I could tell she was mad, and I wondered what I had done wrong this time.  Simply breathing can be cause for disagreements these days.

However, she wasn’t mad at me…surprise, surprise.

She was mad about some things that had happened during the game.  I won’t go into it, but she needed to talk, so I listened.

And listened.

And listened.

As she vented, I could tell she was starting to feel better.  I let the conversation flow without saying too much.  Sometimes, as you’ve probably experienced, it’s better not to say anything.  Sometimes being quiet is the unspoken invitation for the other person to speak more.

She did.

Her topic changed course, and she began talking about college soccer.  Oh boy, did I hold my breath.  She began to tell me about the things that college soccer coaches look for when selecting players, and she quoted something a particular coach had said during one of her college visits.

I was amazed that she had paid attention and retained what she had heard.

Then she went on to talk about the college we had visited a few weeks ago.  If you’ll remember, that was a strange weekend…very frustrating because we didn’t really know how she felt about the experience.

Well, she answered all of my unspoken questions by talking about how much she had loved the visit, loved the campus, loved the fact that the soccer program is supported by the college administration and other students, and loved the living facilities.  And she went on to talk about how much she loves the coaches — a very important factor when considering colleges.

Wow!  I was blown away and touched that she trusted me enough to let me see into her heart.  It rarely happens.  There has been so much friction the last couple of years that having a rational conversation with the girl has been difficult.

These are the kinds of conversations that parents treasure.  You don’t take these moments for granted either because you know how few and far between they can be during the adolescent years.

It’s clear to me that Soccer Chick is figuring things out.  Occasionally, she needs a sounding board.  I’m more than happy to oblige.

Filed under: soccer | Tagged: , , | Leave a comment »

The Last Piece of the Puzzle

Posted on June 29, 2008 by auburnchick

I have to say that I shed some tears on Saturday, and it wasn’t even Soccer Chick’s fault.

I saw a big envelope on my front porch and noticed the return address. The envelope was heavy. I just knew what was inside

I went into the house and gathered the family for the grand unveiling. Soccer Chick had three friends over from the night before. They were invited to watch.

When I opened the envelope and peered inside, I had to pause a moment. This is what I have been waiting for ever since I started the journey. The tears flowed as I pulled it out and saw the cover.

I was almost too nervous to open it. But I did, of course…

Yes, it’s my college diploma! At long last!!

In my mind, I quickly went through the journey, step by step:

Making the decision to go back to school.

Requesting my transcripts from other colleges and completing the registration process.

Registering for my first class.

Signing up for financial aid.

Signing up for more classes.

Papers that were written in the wee hours of the morning.

Books toted around the country as I followed my daughter to soccer tournaments…studying during each trip.

Mid-terms, finals, and other exams sprinkled in-between.

The joy of taking that last final and walking out the door…free at last.

I peered a little closer at the diploma..

Yep…they spelled my name right. The last name is there too (just covered up for obvious reasons).

If you look closely, you’ll notice the Magna Cum Laude.

:::Sigh:::

Bliss.

I thought that my commencement signified a finality to the process.

I was wrong.

Receiving this piece of parchment was the last piece of the puzzle that I had been putting together for 20 years. A complete picture at last.

I lost my high school diploma during one of my many moves. You better believe that this one will be kept in a safe place…proudly displayed but never left behind.

I am humbled and awed by how much it means to me. I am appreciative of my friends and family who supported me through the rough patches and absentmindedness that I went through. This paper symbolizes the sacrifices I made as well as those others made to help me reach my goals.

Most of all, I am grateful to the Lord, who has a grand plan. I am thankful that He allowed me to go through this experience. I learned a lot.

:::Sigh:::

Bliss…

Filed under: This-n-That | Tagged: , , | 4 Comments »

AuburnChick is Officially a College Graduate

Posted on June 21, 2008 by auburnchick

Today was Graduation Day!!! Even though I finished the end of February, the commencement ceremony wasn’t until today.

As any girl would do, I had to prepare. The biggest question? How was I going to wear my hair?

I have thick, naturally curly hair. Wearing hats is very difficult cause I have such big hair. So, I decided to get my hair straightened. Not permanently but with a hot iron at the hairdresser.

Here’s the before picture…

I had my hair fixed yesterday (Friday) after work. Here’s the after picture.

And here’s what I looked today like with the cap and gown…

I have to stay true to my promise to my family not to put my face on the internet…hence the shots from behind. Sorry…it’s actually my best side, so think of it as me doing you a huge favor. 😀

I’m sure that many of you have already graduated from college…probably a few years ago. For me, this was the conclusion of a long-aspired dream. After attending college for two years immediately after high school and then putting it on hold to have my children, I desperately wanted to finish what I had started. Plus, I want to teach middle school, and you can’t do that without a degree.

I had always told my kids that I wanted to go back and finish. That’s just what I did. Many of you read of my adventures…at least during the last term since I only started blogging in November.

I wasn’t sure I was going to do the Commencement Walk. There was a possibility that Soccer Chick would have a soccer tournament. I went ahead and ordered the cap and gown…taking the advice of one of the female attorneys at the law firm where I work. She insisted that it would provide closure to this long process.

She was right.

We got up bright and early this morning, heading out around 7:15.  Along the way, I periodically checked my hair in the mirror.  A wee bit vain.  I’m allowed.  Today was my day, after all.

Once there, I got my family pointed in the direction they were to go, I nervously made my way to where the other students were gathered. I did not know a soul. Because I attended online classes, I had never met any of my classmates. We were a conglomeration of IRL attendees (in real life) and virtual students. We were lined up several times according to the whim of our fearless leaders. Actually, that’s probably not fair. I think it took a bit of time for everyone to get on the same page. Once we were lined up correctly, we waited…and waited…and waited.

I became buddies with the next person in line…a lovely lady who, like me, had returned to college when her children were teenagers. We had much in common. We were both nervous wrecks and emotional.

Finally it was time to enter the auditorium, walking in, of course, to Pomp and Circumstance. I felt tears in my eyes. To see all of those people there supporting their loved ones and cheering when we came in. Wow. I saw my advisor who smiled and gave me a wave and an encouraging word.

I was fortunate to have the best seat in the house…front row.

I was able to observe the Color Guard’s ceremony of presenting the flags. That was so amazing and a reminder of all of those serving so that I can have the freedom to pursue my education and eventually teach in this wonderful country. The members’ precision and dedication to their task touched my heart.

After the guest speaker, we were officially “cleared” for graduation. Changing my tassel from the right to the left side — while a simple act — was very special to me. A single tear rolled down my eye, prompting a “Don’t start that” from my new friend. She was on the verge of losing it. The gal on the right cried almost the entire time. She was a real sweetie

It soon became time for us to walk across the stage. This is where I wanted to upchuck. Redneck girls in pumps are not accustomed to walking across stage with several hundred people watching. I prayed the entire time that I wouldn’t trip.

“Don’t trip, Nathalie, don’t trip.”

Little did I know that Soccer Chick was praying the same thing. In her words to her father, “Mama would do something like that.”

Thanks for the vote of confidence, dear.

I got through it and actually smiled. I have video that proves it. Wow! I actually looked normal!

After sitting down, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. It was finished.

After the undergraduates were presented, it was time for the graduate students to get hooded. Have you ever seen this done? I had not. How totally cool! The look of pride on their faces…wow! I have almost decided that I want one of those. 12 more classes and I, too, could be hooded. We’ll see if graduate school is in my future…maybe in a couple of years. I simply love the pursuit of knowledge…too bad you have to write long papers on the process!

A quick plug…I attended classes at Troy University. I had compared programs and fees very carefully. My experience with the college was 100% wonderful! My adviser was a dream to work with, and the professors were diligent in their jobs. The University is determined that everyone have the opportunity to be educated — hence they are very popular with the military. Many of my classmates were stationed overseas. It was a neat opportunity to get their perspective during my political science and history classes.

With the ceremony under my belt, it was time to have more fun. Knowing that I was only a couple of miles away from a nice yarn store, I headed out to the car, springing my plans on my family. Boy were they mad! Their idea of fun is not petting yarn.

Too bad for you. Today was MY day, and I was selfish. While I shopped, the kids and Mr. AuburnChick waited in the car, air conditioning keeping them comfortable.

Here’s where I shopped…

And here are photos of the inside…just in case you don’t believe me…

What an array of yarn! There was lots of Lamb’s Pride, Noro, Tilli Tomas, Tofutsies (a very good selection), and even Malabrigo. It was so hard to decide what to get.

Here’s what I bought…

The last photo is Tilli Tomas…100% silk with glass beads spun in. It was ridiculously expensive. I’ve had my eye on it for a couple of weeks and decided to splurge. I don’t know what I’ll make with it, but I’m sure Ravelry will provide some ideas.

So, although my family didn’t exactly make this day the special day I hoped for, I made my own special memories.

If you have ever considered going back to school or doing something that seems, at first, overwhelming and unattainable, GO FOR IT. The 23 classes in 21 months with a 3.8 cumulative GPA was worth every bit of effort. I reached my goal. I got good yarn afterwards.

What more could a person ask for?

Filed under: Knitting, This-n-That | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

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