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An Exercise in Breathing Deeply

Posted on August 11, 2012 by auburnchick

Dear Blog,

I usually have little trouble pouring out my heart to you, but today, things are a little different.

I just came home from moving my sweet Rooster into his dorm for his first year of college, and I forced myself to face these…

20120811-203045.jpg

Those are my babies’ empty bedrooms.

They are the cause of my current angst.

I know this is a rite of passage that children and parents must eventually go through, but it’s painful, nonetheless.

I’m finding myself breathing deeply to calm myself down when the sad feelings overwhelm me.

Earlier, I was struck by the irony of this.

When going through childbirth, I breathed deeply to get through the physical pain.

Tonight, I’m struggling to deal with the emotional pain of change.

The breathing exercises that delivered my babes into my arms are the same exercises that will result in a separation of lives as my babies push on, move out, and develop their individual, adult selves.

I’m still processing the sadness, and I’m crying…a lot.

I’m sure I’ll feel a little better in the morning, but right now, I’m not going to fight the feelings.

I’m just going to breathe deeply, let the tears flow, and wait until tomorrow to share the fun that we did have when we took Rooster to school (I may be sad, but I’m still cognizant of the fact that, overall, it was a wonderful two days that was not marred by the sadness that lurked around the corner).

Filed under: children | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Stop the Madness!

Posted on August 6, 2012 by auburnchick

When I got home from taking Chicky back to college, I saw this…

20120806-065314.jpg

The time is drawing near when Rooster will begin his own college experience at Auburn University.

We leave on Friday and move him in on Saturday.

Can this mama’s heart take much more?

Someone stop the madness!!

Filed under: children | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Third Time Isn’t the Charm

Posted on August 5, 2012 by auburnchick

They say that the third time’s the charm when doing something; however, there was nothing charming about escorting Chicky back to Southeastern so she could start her third year of school (she’s actually halfway through her junior year because she took a few online classes this summer).

She’d come home for what amounted to only four full days.

I didn’t get to see her much because I had in-service meetings all week.

Although her room was a disaster while she was home, she had it all cleaned up by Thursday, departure day…

I did take half of Thursday off so we could begin driving earlier and not get down there too late.

The hotel was very, very nice.  Trust me when I say this because I have stayed in quite a few hotels over the years thanks to her travel soccer adventures.

We had fun playing with Thor, who was thrilled to be out of his cage after such a long ride.

After watching Gabby Douglas win gold in the All-Around, we headed to bed.

The drive in to school was lovely.

Seeing the school’s sign as I entered campus was soothing.

This is a place where the students are genuinely cared for…where the words of Jesus are not only preached but lived out daily.

Chicky had her physical, and we began moving her stuff in.

It only took a few trips to the car because her wonderful roommates helped out.  Every time we walked out, we got to see this…

New volleyball court!  There are even hammocks around the green space!

Chicky’s rooming with most of the same girls this year…nearly all of them soccer players.  It’s a good group of gals.

I watched as Chicky made her bed, hung her clothes, and created order out of the chaos that had only recently been created when we dumped everything in her room.

She’s a pro now after having moved so many times.

As time progressed, my heart began to grow sad, as it always does during move-in day.

I decided to leave before the team dinner because I didn’t want Chicky to worry if I was going to be able to keep my emotions in check.

The rain that poured down matched my mood…

She and I, it turned out, had a few issues to deal with.

Now, let me explain, in case you’re new to my blog and, thus, new to the mother-daughter drama that has existed in my life, Chicky and I have some history.

I brought a lot of baggage into my grown-up life…ugly stuff I had to deal with when I was a child.

Those things made me determined to be a hands-on mother to my own children, but I still deal with the after effects of a very traumatic childhood.

My hurts have led me, at times (cough, cough) to cling to my children, and they have often pushed hard against my mama bear claws.

Chicky and I, being females, have fought the longest and the hardest.

It’s a trend that we’re both working hard to reverse.

During her visit home last week, I actually saw us turn a corner.

We’d had one of those stupid arguments (most are, you know), and we’d both yelled at each other.

Then, Chicky did something quite unusual.

She came back into the room later and spent the entire evening watching the Olympics with me.

In prior years, she would have NEVER done such a thing.

She would have hibernated for days…stewing about things.

I did take note and tucked the moment into my heart.

So, on Saturday, when I was having my “moment,” we cried.

A lot.

It was so hard.

I’m tearing up at the memory, still so fresh and painful.

To see her cry was upsetting as well.

Big crocodile tears on my precious baby’s face.

It just broke my heart because I knew I was getting ready to leave and wouldn’t see her for a while.

Who wants to leave that way?

I went back and forth in my mind…could I pull myself together and eat dinner or would I go?

In the end, I left, but both of us were still very, very upset.

Man, that was just awful.

I cried the entire way to the hotel and even thought about checking out, however late it was, and driving home.

But I decided not to.

Instead, I took a long, hot shower where I cried and cried and cried.

It was awful.

Then, I crawled into bed, determined to sleep away the pain.

About an hour later, through a drowsy haze, I heard my Facebook notification go off on my phone.

After checking it out, I realized that I felt a little better, so I called Chicky to find out what she was doing.

She sounded happy, like our “moment” hadn’t happened.

I asked if I could go back and see her one more time.

She agreed and met me in one of the covered areas that her dorm has on each corner.

She looked good.  She’d changed her clothes, put on some makeup, and was gearing up for the team activities that were soon to follow.

We didn’t have much time.

I apologized for the way I’d left and told her about the epiphany I’d had during the drive between the hotel and the school.

I’d fully expected year three’s dropoff to be less painful and could not understand why it was hitting me so hard.

I’d come to realize that it was because she and I had turned that corner a few days before that I didn’t want to leave her.

Usually, we’re at each others’ throats from the second day of our visit, but not this time.

We’d had so much fun…shared so many great conversations…deep things…some political stuff…grown up stuff.

I also told her that I was PMS’ing.

Folks, let’s get real just a second.

PMS stinks.

More so when the timing is when you’re taking your baby to college.

Even more so when you suspect you’re pre-menopausal.

My emotions are all over the place for a few days during PMS.

Ugh.

Chicky and I shared a lot in the five minutes we had when I returned.

I hugged her.

I told her I loved her, a mantra I’d repeated over and over during both conversations.

My love for her (and Rooster) drives me to act crazy.

Yeah.  I’m not exactly that “mature” mama you typically see.  I go a little nuts when I haven’t seen my kids in a while, and that causes Chicky much angst at times.

I think she’s waiting for me to grow up.

Either way, we were able to clear things up, and she finally conveyed to me that she understood why I acted nutty.

HUGE breakthroughs!

So I left my girl for the second time, and things were better.

Does that mean that I didn’t cry a little when I got back to the hotel?

Of course not.

I did order take out from Olive Garden…a huge deal for me who doesn’t eat much…less so when I’m upset.

I stayed up until midnight watching the Olympics and teared up when we won medals.

I got up early the next morning, bade goodbye to the room that had only, 24 hours beforehand, held my sweet Chicky, and headed home.

I cried when I got home.

I need my hormones to get straight again!

Regardless of my sadness, I know in my heart that Chicky is where she is supposed to be, and I am HAPPY that I did not turn into the mom who didn’t allow her child to leave home (had that done to me and did not like it one bit).

I am THRILLED that Chicky is goal-driven, knows how to take care of her business (she shared an apartment next to campus with friends this summer, held down a job, and took several classes), and is a role model for others.  She has leadership skills that I, at times, envy.

While the third time taking my girl to school didn’t feel charming, I’m thankful for the lessons I learned.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that next year, when I take her for her final semester (yes, Chicky, I am going despite what I said, but I have A PLAN!), I won’t get gushy-eyed.

And if I do, well, I guess I’ll be keeping with tradition.

I love you Chicky, and I’m praying for an injury-free season, a deepening of old and new friendships, and for continued growth in your Christian walk.

Filed under: children | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Have You Ever Wondered

Posted on March 4, 2012 by auburnchick

Have you ever wondered why parents send their children to small, Christian colleges?

Well, the adorable gal in the following video…one of Chicky’s teammates…shares what makes Southeastern University so fabulous.

My nephew and Barb’s son will be attending Southeastern in August.  Super Sis and Barb will shed tears as they drop off their precious boys; however, they can rest assured that the guys will enjoy a well-rounded, Christ-centered experience.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyuJKpCmDE0&context=C344fb63ADOEgsToPDskLSqD0ObXeOOrQuAs0gyg6u

Filed under: children, Christian | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Road Trip Full of Memories

Posted on February 24, 2012 by auburnchick

Today, Rooster and I returned home from our short road trip to Auburn’s E-Day.  Auburn had set aside the day to showcase its vibrant and nationally-ranked engineering program, of which Rooster will be a part of come August.

We took Rooster’s car so he could get practice making the four-hour drive, and what fun we had.

Here are some brief, yet memorable snippets of our trip…the stuff that memories are made of.

…getting stuck in a gas station’s parking lot, and the only way out was through the 18-wheeler truck exit…oops…

…getting walked in on while taking care of “business” in Subway…the look and sound of surprise from the establishment’s female employee who walked in on me was an America’s Funniest Home Videos moment…

…having a political discussion with my boy who will turn 18 in May and will, thus, be able to vote in November’s election…

…saying Adele’s name wrong, to Rooster’s consternation (for the record, according to Google, you pronounce it “uh-dell”)…

…trying to find a place to make a u-turn on a dark highway…

…forgetting my toothbrush, only to hear Rooster say, “Well, you can’t use mine.”  No love, I’m telling you…

…the next morning, after getting a toothbrush from the hotel and asking Rooster for the toothpaste, hearing him say, “Well, I didn’t bring it, so I didn’t brush my teeth.”  Sometimes, you just can’t win…

…watching America’s Most Wanted with America’s most beloved son (IMHO  😀 )…

…making a three-minute drive into a 20-minute drive, all because we turned right instead of left out of the hotel (it was my fault, of course, according to Rooster)…

…getting asked, by the software engineering professor who gave the presentation to our tour group, “What are YOU majoring in?”  Um…yeah…I think he mistook me for a college student.  😀

…upon discussing the above afterward, hearing my beloved son say, “Well, Mama, you do look young.  It’s no wonder he asked you that.”  😀

…visiting the Honors College and learning that Rooster had been officially accepted into the Honors program!!

…slurping down a cup of Toomer’s Corner’s famous lemonade…

…exiting Toomer’s Drugs to a downpour…all because I HAD to go to Tiger Rags to use the 20% coupon that was in Rooster’s E-Day bag…

…deciding to kill some time…let the rain pass…while eating lunch at Moes…except that Moes wasn’t going to open for another hour.

…walking to “Tiger Rags” only to discover that I’d mistaken its location for that of Anders.  Oops.

…continuing to walk in the downpour…

…watching Rooster fight the wind as he attempted to keep us covered with, in his words, a “crappy” umbrella…

…taking over for Rooster, only to nearly get blown away like Mary Poppins…

…hearing Rooster assure me that he would have tried to grab my legs if I’d actually taken flight (thanks, Honey)…

…watching shuttle after shuttle pass us as we waited to be transported back to our cars…in the driving rain…

…being reminded that it was all my fault that we were standing in the rain…I just HAD to use that coupon…which I never got to use because we ditched our plans to go to the “real” Tiger Rags…

…watching Rooster sleep as I drove the first half of our journey home…I’m going to miss him so much come August…

Filed under: children | Tagged: , , , | Leave a comment »

The Best Laid Plans

Posted on October 30, 2011 by auburnchick

When I was pregnant with my babies, I sang them a lot of songs.

One of them was the following…

Well, my efforts were not in vain.

Today, Rooster informed us that he has decided to attend Auburn.

We took him out to celebrate.

We couldn’t be more thrilled. Orange and blue run through this family’s veins with several graduates among us.

Rooster plans on trying out for Auburn’s band. We’re keeping our fingers crossed. How neat would it be to attend football games and watch him play?! Perhaps my days of being a drumline mom aren’t over yet!

Rooster also received notification that his grades qualify him for the Honors College.

Smart child that the Lord has blessed me with. I’m so thankful and humble.

Please pray that, as we begin making preparations for next year, the pieces will fall into place…that he will find out about the Christian organizations on campus (I know there are quite a few) so that he will keep his goals focused on God’s will for his life.

Filed under: children | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Choices

Posted on September 26, 2011 by auburnchick

Rooster and the Mr. took a trip to Auburn on Friday.

The reason?

A college tour.

My youngest child is getting ready to begin the application process.

Sigh.

He visited the University of South Florida (USF) a couple of weeks ago…

He loved it.  The amenities that he saw and heard about were incredibly tempting.

Then, he visited Auburn.

He’s no stranger to this, the loveliest village on the plain…

Both choices have pros and cons.

Rooster would be able to attend USF with several of his current classmates from Podunk High School.  Thus, he would immediately have a group of friends to fit in with.

Another advantage of selecting USF is that it isn’t too far from Southeastern, where Chicky attends college, so we could visit both children with each drive down.

A third advantage of selecting USF is that the college accepts Bright Futures, which is a scholarship program for Florida high school students who have earned certain GPAs and volunteered a certain number of hours.

Auburn, on the other hand, is a part of family tradition.  Grand Pooba and Coupon Queen attended Auburn way back in the 1800’s…errr…mid 1900’s…heehee.

I heard a story that, while on the tour with Rooster and the Mr., Grand Pooba shared first-hand knowledge of a story that the guide was sharing.  Yes, he taught that guide a thing or two.

The Mr. and his brother, Super D, attended Auburn as well…with both earning their degrees in early 90’s.

We’ve attended Auburn football games since before the kids were twinkles in my eyes.

Although Rooster would have to pay out-of-state tuition, because of his high ACT score, he would be eligible for a lot of scholarship money.  He also likes some of the living accommodations…a lot.

Please pray for Rooster as he works his way through his applications.  Ultimately, I want him to follow God’s will, wherever that may lead him.

Filed under: children | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

Just Pull the Bandaid Off

Posted on August 7, 2011 by auburnchick

Life has been busy around here the last few days.

Chicky had spent last week getting ready for her return to college…

It was a sight I had been dreading all summer…

She loaded both of our cars on Wednesday night so we could leave early Thursday morning…

It was going to be nice taking two cars.  We wouldn’t have stuff packed to the top.  Even Chicky’s car had room to spare…

The Mr. took a picture of us, and we were off.

We stopped after a couple of hours.  I had an appointment, so Chicky ate lunch with Coupon Queen and Grand Pooba.  Then, we hit the road for the rest of the trip.

We drove to the hotel, checked in, then headed out for some dinner, meeting Guy Friend at Chipotle, a place similar (a little tastier) than Moe’s.  For the record, this restaurant has delicious sweet tea!!!

Then, we went back to the hotel.

As we carried our stuff inside, I made a discovery.  Unknown to either one of us, we had packed our overnight stuff in matching bags…

She grimaced.  I smiled.  Like mother, like daughter!

LOL

We got to the room in time for me to indulge in a summertime guilty pleasure…

Yep.

Big Brother.

I can’t help it.  I am a people watcher, and not in a weird way but in a lover of history/human behavior kind of way.  Evil Dick (pictured below) was one of my favorite contestants from this show…

Chicky watched one of her shows on her computer…

Soon, we headed to bed.

I couldn’t sleep.  I’ve already posted about that, though.

We got up and headed out.  I was a little sad because I knew that I would be returning to the room later…by myself.

Sigh…

Chicky led the way…a first.  She knows her way around Lakeland, where Southeastern University is located…

First, we met in the sports complex so she could attend a team meeting.  Then, we had about thirty minutes for lunch, so we ran to Subway.  After that, we had to return to the school for physicals.

Finally, it was time to move her in.

What a hot day!  It was so much worse than last year, and her room is on the second floor this year…

Not.  Fun.

She’s in an 8-man this year.  It has a common room…

There are two bedrooms on each side, and each bedroom houses two girls…

The bathroom has two sinks, two showers, and two toilet stalls.  Because this is a room with handicapped facilities, one shower is longer and has a bench in it.  This is perfect for one of Chicky’s teammates, who recently had hip surgery and will be on crutches for a while.

We started the arduous task of unloading the car.

Because we didn’t have the Mr. there (he had to work), we were concerned about the lack of manpower.  Chicky’s roommate from last year made a few trips back and forth.

I quickly figured out that my overachieving self had to slow down…

Oops.

Don’t tell Chicky.

We set a few things in her room.  It was going to be a long afternoon…

I didn’t mind though.  A mom doesn’t complain about the workload when she knows that she’s not going to be with her baby in a few short hours.

We put stuff everywhere.  Her roommate isn’t a soccer player, so she won’t be arriving at the school for another couple of weeks.  We took advantage and used her bed to set things on…

Chicky tried to figure out where to put things.  Not having her roommate there was a little difficult because she didn’t want to hog the entire room…

I tried to be a good mom and not take over.  Chicky “allowed” me to hang her clothes after she put them on hangers.  I felt so honored.  LOL

We decided to take a break.  We went to Bed Bath and Beyond.  I had a $5 off of $15 coupon, which came in handy when we bought this $16.99 cart ($11.99 after the coupon).  Because there are not bathroom cabinets (handicapped feature), the cart will be used to store toiletries…

We went to Sam’s, where we got her stocked up on water, Gatorade, and snacks…

We just added Chicky and Guy Friend to our membership, so they will be able to replenish their supplies whenever they need to.

This is just another sign that my baby girl is getting older.

Sigh…

While we were out and about, look at what we came across…

Oh yeah.

We just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to visit our favorite store.  We were good girls, though, and did not buy a single thing.

The Mr. can exhale now.  His bank account was not depleted during this trip.

The fun had to end, though, so we returned to Chicky’s room and continued to unpack…

What a process.  As a parent, you have to let your child set things up the way he or she wants things.  This can be difficult…especially when you are an anal organizer, like I am.

Fortunately, so is Chicky.  She worked hard to get things straight…

After we got her bedding on, she remembered that she needed to raise the mattress so she could stack things on the shelves under the bed.

Oy.

What a job.

We had to take the mattress off of the bed, turn the bed to the center of the room, turn it upside down, and jump on the frame to force it out of the bed posts.

We weren’t strong enough.

Neither one of us weighs much more than a hundred pounds.

We called for help, and a couple of girls came in.

These girls were strong, let me tell you, and it didn’t take long until we got things fixed and put the mattress back on the bed…

Before we knew it, we had to head to the team/family dinner.

I could feel the clock of doom ticking on…the time when I would have to pull myself away from my baby.

I wasn’t hungry.

I didn’t eat.

After the coach said the blessing, I opened my eyes and discovered that they were filled with tears.

Chicky looked at me in that moment, and I was mortified.

I had done so well all day.

I had not cried at all.

I have no idea why I found myself sad all of a sudden.  Mentally, I was fine, but I think that looking through the window of that meeting room and seeing the position of the sun in the sky reminded me of the difficult time I had last year.

Fortunately, I composed myself quickly and didn’t let the tears spill over.

We had a good time listening to the coach discuss his philosophy and watching him try to come up with rhymes for the girls…on the spot.

Before too long, it was time to head back to the room to finish unpacking and do the dreaded deed…say goodbye.

Chicky got things fairly organized, which made me feel like I wasn’t leaving her unsettled…

Finally, I was satisfied.

One of Chicky’s suite-mates took a couple of pictures of us, and then we headed outside.

Oh my word.

It felt like I was being escorted to the gallows.

I usually do not have a problem with goodbyes, but when they involve me being separated from my children, then they are hard.

Chicky walked me to my car.

We shared a hug.

Let me explain that Chicky does not give big hugs.

She “allows” herself to be hugged while she stands there, stiff armed.  Sometimes, if you’re lucky, she might pat your back…once…if she feels like it.

Seriously.

She’s just not a touchy-feelie kind of girl.

On Thursday, she embraced me.

Oh my word.

It had been years since this child had wrapped her arms around me in such a loving, sincere way.

It felt so good.

As she started to walk away, I hurried back to her for one more hug.

I’m sure she rolled her eyes a bit, but she humored me.

I snapped a few pictures of her waving goodbye.

She was a bit annoyed because we’d done this last year.

After the third picture, she said, “Just pull the bandaid off, Mama.”

What she meant was for me to get it over with…that the pain would only hurt for a little while.

Sigh.

Such wisdom from my child.

And so I drove away.

I didn’t cry as I left, but my heart was heavy.

Although I had told her that I would find something vegan-friendly to eat for dinner, I didn’t.  Sorry, Chicky.

I just couldn’t.

When you feel your heart breaking, you don’t want to eat.

I drove back to the hotel and turned off the car.

All of a sudden, I didn’t want to go inside.

I didn’t want to enter a room that would only have my stuff in it…one bed that would be slept in…

That is when I cried.

It had been a wonderful summer.  I had watched over my girl as she balanced four jobs, two online college classes and one horrendous college professor who still has not returned my child’s phone call.

I had been there to nurse my girl through the horrible virus that she had suffered through.

We had explored the world together while out on our cruise.

We had discovered a new favorite store…Ann Taylor Loft.

Yes, we had yelled at one another…especially in the days leading up to her departure…but this year was different.  We recovered a lot quicker from our anger.

This was progress, folks.  It was the growth of maturity in our relationship.

Chicky doesn’t understand why it’s so hard for us parents when she leaves, but she isn’t a parent yet.

We cry because we worry.

We cry because we want to be there to witness their new experiences.

We want to protect them from the hurts of the world, and we want to rejoice with them over their triumphs.

Somehow, it’s just not the same when we’re doing these things from afar.

But do them from afar, I must.  It is my duty as a parent to let go, and I am.

Chicky is at a wonderful college…surrounded by other Believers.  She is learning what it means to serve Christ in everyday life, and she’s getting a wonderful academic education as well.

She is learning that God is present in a college classroom, on the soccer field, and in the relationships she is developing and nurturing.

As a mom, I couldn’t ask for more.  These are the things that lessen the sting of ripping off that bandaid.

God is gracious even in times like these.

Filed under: children, Christian | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

How Is Chicky Doing?

Posted on August 28, 2010 by auburnchick

When last you heard of Chicky, she was giving Your’s Truly a wave goodbye as she walked into the unknown world of college life.

That was four weeks ago.

I am fortunate in that Chicky’s coach’s wife is a maniac where it comes to picture-taking.  In fact, she reminds me a lot of myself…the self-professed mom of the group.

I am so thankful for this.

She uploads pictures to a team’s website on a regular basis.

So, I’ve become a picture-stalker, watching that URL for any updates.

One of the first things that Chicky did with her team was to travel to North Carolina for a team retreat.  The coaches took away the girs’ cell phones, and they spent the entire time participating in team-bonding exercises.  They had devotions, went tubing, played Capture the Flag, and practiced soccer.  With that many girls together, I’m 100% positive that there were a lot of giggles along the way.

When they returned, they played a couple of friendlies (games against other teams that don’t count against the win/loss record).

One thing that impressed me immediately was how the teams prayed together after the game…

During the couple of weeks before classes started, the team had three-a-days (practices three times a day).

This is one of those times I thank my lucky stars I was uncoordinated as a child.  I could have never handled getting all sweaty three times 24 hours!!

The girls received their team uniforms and posed for pictures…

Of course, they are girls and – well – they had to act a little silly too…

Now, although you don’t know which girl is Chicky, it is clear to see that every single girl is sporting a smile.  That means that my Chicky is in there…having a GREAT time.

When Chicky changed her mind about Rollins, I had a very hard time.  You probably remember that.

Now, though, I have accepted the change wholeheartedly.

How could I not when I see pictures of the girls praying together…laughing together.  Someone even took the picture of the back of a Southeastern shirt…

Who can argue with a message like that?

I know that Chicky is where she is supposed to be.  In fact, I do not even worry about her because of the support system she has in the other girls.

Sometimes, a picture can speak a thousand words…

Chicky has been a busy girl – forging strong relationships that will last a lifetime.

Filed under: soccer | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Life – Post Heartbreak

Posted on August 8, 2010 by auburnchick

Here I sit on the Sunday following the Friday in which my heart broke.

The Mr. and I spent that Friday evening lost in our own thoughts.

Or rather, I spent the time blogging, and he watched a show about sharks.

There obviously wasn’t much on TV.

Saturday, we arose at the crack of dawn so we could get an early start home.

When the alarm went off, my first thought was of Chicky who was, at that moment, on the soccer field enduring her first fitness test.

My poor girl had to wake up at 5:15 to have enough time to eat.  That’s 4:15 Central time, which is what we’re on at home (yes, parts of Florida are in the Central time zone).

The Mr. and I wearily got in the car for the long drive home.

As we left the parking lot, the GPS instructed us to “follow the highlighted route.”

“Make a left at blah-blah street, then make a right,” she chirped in an upbeat voice.

“Sounding a little too chipper this morning,” the Mr. mumbled back.

Ugh.

Can I tell you how hard it was to leave Lakeland behind?

I didn’t leave in one piece because half of my heart was still there, at that college, with my baby girl.

“Drive 101 miles on I75,” I heard GPS lady say.

“101 miles away from Chicky,” I said to nobody in particular.

Grrrr…

Away we went.

I pulled out my much-neglected knitting and was soothed by the rhythmic motion of knits and purls.

We listened to the radio as we drove.

Big mistake.

Do not ever listen to the radio when you are sad.

The Radio Gods have a conspiracy to play songs to make you even more miserable.

Changing stations does not help.

Christian, Country, and Oldies know what you’re thinking, and they play songs accordingly.

It was like a bad movie.

Like Transformers.

Where the car plays songs to communicate with Shia.

The first song to bring on the tears was George Strait’s, “I Saw God…”

Here are the lyrics, with the part that made me boo hoo in bold…

I just walked down the street to the coffee shop
had to take a break
I’d been by her side for eighteen hours straight
I saw a flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk
pushing up through the concrete
like it was planted right there for me to see
the flashin’ lights, the honkin’ horns
all seemed to fade away
in the shadow of that hospital at 5:08
I saw God today

Chorus:
I’ve been to church
I’ve read the book
I know He’s here, but I don’t look
near as often as I should
Yeah, I know I should
His fingerprints are everywhere
I’d just slow down to stop and stare
opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today

I saw a couple walking by they were holding hands
Man, she had that glow
yeah I couldn’t help but notice she was starting to show
I stood there for a minute takin’ in the sky
lost in that sunset
a splash of amber melted in the shades of red

Chorus

I got my face pressed up against the nursery glass
She’s sleeping like a rock
My name on her wrist wearing tiny pink socks
She’s got my nose, she’s got her mama’s eyes
My brand new baby girl
She’s a miracle
I saw God today

—————————————————————————-

I wiped my face, and we drove on.

We stopped for gas and a bite to eat.

I don’t remember the next song that hit, but it was a Christian song.

Oh my gosh.  Would this never end?  Just when I thought I was okay, I realized I wasn’t.

To make matters worse, we were hoping to hear from Chicky.  We longed to find out how her fitness test had gone.

We had planned to stop in Tallahassee to eat lunch with Super Sis and Super D.  About an hour out, my phone rang.

It was Chicky!

She had me put her on speaker phone.

She sounded wonderful!

She had scored a 99 on her fitness test!  The players were expected to make a 90 or above.

All of her 6am summer workouts with her sports trainer proved worthwhile.  He had prepared her well.

She was so happy!

Our hearts sang with joy, and after hanging up the phone, we could not wipe the smiles off of our faces.

Until we hit Tallahassee, and I saw my sister.

The tears that lurked right below the surface threatened to come out.

Actually, I think they did, because I excused myself to run to the restroom.

Ugh.

We had a wonderful lunch, though, at Bagel Bagel.  The Mr. talked with his brother about work stuff, and Super Sis and I chatted about my classes.

I shared the story of Rooster’s Mohawk, and they laughed with us.

It was a wonderful time of sharing and took my mind off of Chicky.

Then, it was time to begin the final leg of the journey.

I called Rooster to give him a heads-up.

It felt strange pulling into the driveway without Chicky.

I gave Rooster a HUGE hug when I saw him.

I don’t know why, but the last couple of weeks of “stuff” unloaded themselves from my shoulders.

I was struck with a sudden urge to straighten the house.

Rooster helped out.

I cleaned out the Jeep…the vehicle that Chicky’s drove.  She did not take it down with her because we cannot afford to buy another car.  With Chicky gone, Rooster will have more opportunities to practice his driving before he gets his license.

I carefully removed her graduation tassel and the cross she received from the Chrysalis retreat she attended a few years ago – items that were hanging from the rear-view mirror.

I found a large, silver key on a white key chain in the middle console.

I found earrings, t-shirts, and towels in the back seat, along with a pair of sneakers.

I began collecting some of the things I found into a pile to mail to her next week.

I handed Rooster the Jeep key and told him to remove the fobs he did not want.

Yeah.  I think all of the girlie stuff went away in a flash.

Sigh.

It felt like a changing of the guards.

I know that Chicky hasn’t completely left, but it feels like she has.

My afternoon went on.

After the house was back to my liking, I sat down to watch TV.

Rooster and I watched the news and saw a clip about the owl video that is getting a lot of hits on YouTube.

A couple set up a video camera to record the comings and goings of a family of owls, and we saw footage of the baby owls leaving the nest.

Yeah.

I teared up.

Rooster chuckled at this.

You guys.  If you’ve never said goodbye to a child, let me tell you that the sadness hits when you least expect it.

Like this morning, when I was getting ready to leave for church.

Out of habit, I went to Chicky’s bedroom and opened the door…

Only to face an empty room.

At church, I signed the attendance sheet…

Three names instead of four.

Sigh.

Life, post heartbreak, is different from before.

It will get better.  I know this.

It is the adjustment period that, quite honestly, sucks.

Strong words, I know.  Please forgive me, but the thesaurus just doesn’t have a word that better describes the feeling.

Anyhoo…

I thank God for providing the new adventure that is my job.

I thank Him for blessing me with a wonderful family and sympathetic friends, both in real life and online.

And I thank God for being with my Chicky…helping her clogged toilet to “magically” fix itself that first night.

Life, post heartbreak, is, well, LIFE.

You go on.  You drive each mile.  You put one foot in front of the other.  You check your phone hourly to see if certain “people” decided to grace you with a hello.

You keep on breathing, and you keep on doing.

As one of my favorite heroines would say, “Tomorrow is another day.”

And so it is, and so it is.

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