It’s 3:44 a.m., and I am wide awake.
Truth be told, I’ve been awake for almost two hours after a night spent tossing and turning.
It’s a good thing I turned in early, because sleep was elusive.
The five alarms I set before going to bed really were unnecessary.
This morning, I’m going in for my second shoulder surgery.
By all appearances, I’ve been calm and steady.
I spent the week preparing for my absence at work – leaving goody bins for Camp War Eagle ready for my boss and coworker, who will be answering all of the questions at our table while I’m at home recovering.
Yesterday, when I got home from work, I prepped a pot of Chipotle Black Bean Soup for post-surgery days. I even portioned it out to make things easier for the hubby, who will have to do everything for me for a short little while.
The recipe is in this cookbook – a favorite of mine.
I showered using the surgical scrub provided to me by my orthopedic surgeon’s office, and I get to do that one more time as soon as I drag myself out of my bed, where I’m currently writing this post.
The scrub is interesting. You shower as normal and then scrub your body with the cleanser-laden sponge. Then, you wait, without the water running, for five minutes, to let the cleanser do its thing before finally rinsing off.
I’ve gotten to be a pro at this, unfortunately.
I washed my hair while I showered as well. I know how difficult this task will be after my surgery, so I wanted to make sure my hair was clean – for a few days anyhow. I may enlist the assistance of my hairdresser the next few weeks until I get to the point where I can do this one-handed. It’s quite a comical event, let me tell you.
I put reminders in a couple of places to make sure I don’t eat or drink anything. I’m function on autopilot each weekday morning, so I didn’t want to mess anything up with this little hiccup in my routine.
My surgery folder and sling are in my car.
I’m wearing one of the new shirts I bought a couple of weeks ago . . .
I’m also sporting my Superman socks because a little superhero help never hurt anyone.
These tangible preparations mask the small bundle of nerves that lies underneath the calm exterior.
I truly won’t know, until I wake up from surgery, how bad the damage in my right shoulder is. I don’t know why that makes me nervous, but it does.
Maybe it’s because the recovery from my left shoulder surgery has been so long and difficult. I still have a ways to go to get that shoulder functioning normally.
Maybe it’s because I’m finally enjoying sleeping in bed again, so a return to sleeping in my recliner makes me sad.
Forgive me while I have a small pity party. I am all about keeping things real, though.
With all of that said, I am reminding myself of the positives.
I am grateful for modern medicine. I’m thankful that God allowed doctors to gain knowledge of the human body’s workings.
I am grateful for the technology that makes it possible to diagnose what ails a person, and for the skills He’s blessed medical personnel with to treat those ailments.
I am thankful for the healing that He has provided in my left shoulder – I’ve come a long, long way since I hurt it last September. What I’ve already gone through the past six months has prepared me for this next part of my journey. The first time around, I was scared out of my wits – unsure what to expect. That’s not the case this morning.
God’s got me, and He will use this for His glory. This knowledge is what, ultimately, gives me peace.
All will be well.
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