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Selectively Social

Thursday morning was my first pre-planning day at school. It was Day 1 of three of meetings.

It had been storming for over twenty four hours; my headache was worse than the day before.

I tried not to let that affect my mood as I left the house.

The theme of this year’s planning sessions is “We’re under construction.” My school is literally under construction with two buildings torn down and a new one on its way up.

The administrators had fun with the decorations. I may need to keep the hard hat to protect me from errant walls.

I said hello to a couple of teachers and got myself a spot where I could see and hear well.  If you’ve ever been in an educational in-service, you know that teachers are the worst about talking when someone is presenting information.

Ahem.

So, here’s the thing. Although I can talk a person’s ear off one-on-one, I just do not do groups well. I’m quiet. I’m content to sit on my own, observing others or lost in my thoughts.

If you’re an introvert like me, you know how much energy it takes to engage in social situations.

I needed to conserve my energy on Thursday. Fighting a constant headache had drained me.

So I sat, tried my best to listen to the information coming at me – most of which I already knew, and stayed aloof.

I didn’t go out to lunch, even though I was glad to be invited by a tender-hearted Freshman English teacher. I wanted to check on my classroom, but mostly, I needed to sit in the quiet library.

I was able to plan most of the first week of school and start work on my Smartboard file for those lesson plans.

I found the ninety-minute lunch break a blessed respite.

The afternoon session was taken up by ELL training. It was one of the best I’ve ever had, but I wasn’t up for all of the collaborative discussions and moving around. The trainer was a loud, energetic gal (a gem of a teacher, truly), which was hard on my throbbing head. I did my best (well, maybe not my best, but we all have our days), but it was a struggle.

I felt bad after I left. I had not spoken to a couple of people I’m close to. I had not introduced myself to a new teacher. I stayed in my shell, or rather my Hogwarts Running Club hoodie.

It’s hard when you’re introverted and shy. In the past, I’ve been accused of being a snob. Sometimes, people think I’m angry.

I’ve was once told that being introverted was an excuse not to engage with people. That statement hurt my feelings and made me withdraw more.

Thursday, our principal advised us to stay in our lane so we don’t get caught up in or create drama among ourselves.

Y’all, I live in my own lane. I’ve seen what can happen when I veer away from it – I do dumb things like trip over dogs or walk into walls.

I really hope that people don’t misunderstand me. I have a sincere love for most people (sandpaper people not so much), and I am loyal as all get out. I’ll bend over backwards to help someone too. I’m passionate about what I do and give 150%. I think that’s why I run out of energy.

Ugh.

I wish I was an extrovert. I guess we always want what we don’t have, eh?

Maybe I should just stop worrying about what people think and just be me.

Now there’s a thought.

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