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The Test

Dear Students,

You are going to be given a test.  Please ensure that you understand the following:

  • It will be a three-part test.
  • I will grade the first two parts, and they will total up to 50% of your final score.
  • Someone in Tallahassee will score the third part of your test.
  • I will have no input, so whatever observations I make won’t really matter in the end.
  • You can do all of the supporting work during class…fill out the proper paperwork…document everything…but that probably won’t matter in the end either.
  • To arrive at your overall, final rating, your score will be plugged into a formula that is similar to the one you see below:
  • Have no fear.  This will be a reading test, not a math test, so it’s really not necessary that you actually understand the formula that will be used to determine your grade.
  • Just so you know, your grade for the third portion of the test…the portion that will be graded by someone else…will be tabulated according to predictions.  Yes, that’s right.  Predictions.  Three years’ worth.  So, it’s really important that you don’t do anything to upset the predicted outcome.
  • Make sure you get a good night’s sleep the evening before, don’t have any emotional upsets that morning (heaven forbid that you are teenagers), and eat a good breakfast before the test.  The formula doesn’t factor in such lapses.
  • A word of caution:  Even if you do well, you still might not make the amount of improvement the formula states you’re supposed to make, so it might be possible that you could actually pass the test but still have to re-do it later.  Hey!  I’ve told you I don’t do math.  It’s not even my formula.  Blame someone else for this.
  • Make sure you do well this year because if something goes wrong, and you don’t do well, this year’s score will affect next year’s rating, no matter how you do on that test.
  • This is the part where you should laugh a little.  Laughing beats screaming.  Or crying.  You’ll just get a headache from crying, and that could mess up your test results.
  • You can protest this assignment.  We do, after all, live in a democracy.  Don’t expect, though, that anyone will listen.  In the end, you’re not a person with a face.  You are a number.  Computer models don’t see faces and feelings…only data.
  • Oh, and if you have any questions, feel free to request a FAQ, ripe full of information that you have my blessing to try to disseminate.  If you figure out how to understand it, patent the cipher.  You’ll be financially set for life.  I’ll even give you bonus points.  Of course, the bonus points would have to be added to to portion of the test that I get to grade, so your overall rating still wouldn’t be affected.
  • One final word.  Don’t complain.  You’ve been told, from Day 1, that you’re at school to prepare to become college and career ready.  Well, welcome to the real world.  This test will prepare you for a career in education, should you decide to go that route.

Remember that though I am giving you this “real talk,” I do love you with all of my heart.


Mrs. AuburnChick

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