Sometimes I wonder if I will ever outgrow my awkwardness.
I don’t know about you, but I just don’t seem to do well around people I don’t know.
I am, to put it mildly, painfully shy.
Oh sure…I might seem like I’m extroverted from reading my blog, but in all reality, I’m not.
I really hate feeling this way. I think it holds me back from taking the initiative and meeting new people.
But still…I hesitate.
I think my feelings go back to when we moved to Alabama when I was in the 4th grade.
I did not know a soul, and moving from Colorado to Alabama was a HUGE change.
Not only was the weather different (I quickly learned what humidity was), but the language was different as well.
One of my classmates gave me an impromptu lesson in saying “ma’am” when I failed to follow protocol during class one day.
Well, excuse me.
My feelings of inadequacy grew when I changed schools at the beginning of sixth grade. My new classmates had attended school together since kindergarten, and I found it difficult to fit in.
Feelings of awkwardness continued to grow.
One would think that getting older…getting married…having children…would help.
Not.
If anything, my feelings grew even more.
Plus, there’s nothing like the close scrutiny of certain teenage female children to make you feel like your every move is wrong.
Sigh.
What is strange is that the only place I do not feel awkward is my classroom…surrounded by my students.
When I enter my classroom door, something magical happens.
I become free.
I forget about my awkwardness and just “am.”
I don’t worry about acting silly. I don’t even care how it comes across. All I know is that for once, I feel like I fit in.
What about you? Do you ever feel awkward? What do you do to get over these feelings?
Filed under: This-n-That | Tagged: awkwardness | 6 Comments »
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