AuburnChick's Adventures

Dear Candidates Running for Political Office,

You keep saying that you want my vote.  If this is true, you would do well to carefully read the following suggestions:

1. Never call my house and interrupt my “me” time.  Doing so will automatically cross you off my list.
2. Speaking of never calling, if you insist on breaking rule # 1, then pay close attention to rule #2.  Never, ever call at 9am on a Saturday morning.  First off, it’s not even you calling but some stupid recorded call.  What you are telling me is that you want me to wake up so you can give me the same lame message that you’re giving thousands of other people.  If you want to know what I think, I am available to talk Mondays through Fridays during third period.  If your schedule is too full, do me the favor and let me sleep a couple of extra hours on my day off.
3. Post your political ads during news talk shows only.  Interrupting Dancing With the Stars with your mud-slinging is the surest way to get you kicked off of the dance floor.  Besides that, I’d hate to see you cry when you didn’t win that mirror ball trophy.
4. Stop sending me political fliers.  You espouse being “green,” yet you waste thousands of dollars on print ads that I refuse to look at except to ponder whether they are flushable and thus will be of use should I run out of toilet paper (which is a regular occurrence since I’m working 70-80 hours a week and cannot manage to find my way to Target).
5. Do not show up at Christian concerts on the beach and hand out fliers.  Coming from the purest form of expressing praise for God and meeting up with you is quite the dichotomy.  The intrusion into my height of spiritual bliss is unnecessary and unwanted and will win you no votes from me.
6. Speaking of public appearances, it would also behoove you not to show up in the parking lot of a high school football stadium.  Really?  Can I not even take my Rooster boy to a game and not be inundated with your message of “Vote for Me?”  While I might like what you stand for, getting in the way of my cushy parking space will cost you my all-important vote.

I realize that in this world, you can’t please all of the people all of the time; however, I am not alone in my views.  In fact, you could call me a spokesperson for the “real” people.  I sincerely believe that following the above rules will push you ahead in the polls and just might secure your elections.

Sincerely,

AuburnChick

Filed under: This-n-That | Tagged: election, voting |