Sundays are amazing.
These are the days when I get to sleep in a little later than weekdays and then attend church. The worship songs lift my soul, and then my wonderful pastors reveal great truths.
Oftentimes, I find big lessons in the offhand things that are said.
Such as today.
Folks, I think I finally figured out why I scare people away.
It all boils down to one question:
“How are you today?”
I am sure that we can all attest to the fact that we hear this question at least a half-dozen times a day.
And most people, I’m sure, respond with a well-rehearsed, “I’m fine, and you?”
There have been many times when I have answered this way when, in fact, I felt totally the opposite.
And you know what?
I felt like a total fake for saying those words.
So, one day, I stopping answering this way if I didn’t really mean it.
I did the unpardonable.
I starting answering honestly.
Some of my responses?
“I’ve had better days.”
“I’m not feeling all that well today.”
Or, on one of my most emotionally draining days…
“It’s funny you should ask. See, I was on my way to work, but I had to stop and take my dogs, rats, and bunny to the boarding facility, and then when I took Molly in, I left the other two in the car, and when I got out, I found my Chicky’s sweet bunny dead in the back of the car because the two dogs had pushed her cage open and chased her around until her tiny little heart gave out. Oh, by the way, how are you?”
Thud.
Yes, folks, that really did happen, and that “thud” was the look that crossed the face of the people who asked (and I encountered many people that day thanks to it being the day before Christmas break and having a soccer game to attend that night).
It’s no wonder that this morning, when my pastor made the great announcement that, “How are you today?” is simply a greeting and not an invitation to spill one’s guts, that I thought to myself, “Whoa! Maybe this is why your’s truly does not have a lot of friends.”
Seriously, folks.
But see, here’s the rub.
When I ask that question, I am sincere. I DO want to know how a person is doing, and not in a superficial way either. I care so much for people that it matters to me if they are having a bad day.
This is how I empathize with people. I now can direct my prayers toward a specific purpose.
Oh I know…we don’t all have time to stand around and listen to each other’s problems. But what if we took an five extra minutes?
Do you know what happens?
It creates a personal connection with the person you are listening to.
We often discover that while we thought we were the only ones who had such-and-such issue, we are, in fact, not alone.
I remember when this happened one day at the school.
Someone asked me, “How are you today,” and I answered honestly, of course.
As the conversation grew, I shared a few things I had not shared with others (this was a closer friend, by the way).
She looked at me and said, “Oh my gosh! You always look so put together, and everything always looks like it’s going perfectly for you. I am so relieved to know that you feel this way too!”
And now, when I see this lady, we smile a secret smile, knowing we share a bond that nobody else does.
Think about this the next time you ask someone that question. Ask yourself if you really want to hear the truth. Prepare yourself, in fact. You never know the friendship that might come about because of it.
Filed under: This-n-That | Tagged: relationships | 1 Comment »
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