This has been an emotional week for me. Of course, the last few weeks have been much more of a roller-coaster ride than usual. I can’t really attribute it to PMS (or can I…maybe I should check my calendar).
Nope.
How much of it is due to having teens in the house? Probably some.
Truth be told, I think that God is taking a shovel to my heart and has started digging.
And I don’t like it one bit.
On Monday, I completely broke down while on the phone with my sister. I had called to vent about the latest crises (notice the plural) with Soccer Chick. You know us…it’s always something. At least the dogs hadn’t gotten out of the house yet.
Sister Chick listened, and then she asked a poignant question: “Do you want a listening ear, or do you want advice.”
Tough question.
I guess a little of both, I cautiously replied.
I heard the sound of a can opener…opening a can of worms, if you will.
She made her suggestions, to which I commented, and we began having a “discussion.”
You must first understand that Sister Chick is pretty cool. She’s three years younger than me, and we’ve been through our up’s and down’s. Mostly up’s, mind you. She’s a Christian…a prayer warrior. I admire her greatly. She’s gentle and somewhat reserved; whereas, I am not.
She offered some advice that I did not necessarily agree with, and I kind of said so. The line of communication almost broke down, but we dug in our heels and confronted our issues, working through them. I collapsed emotionally. I feel so beaten down. Things are difficult right now, and it’s hard to approach them from a Biblical perspective. The last thing I’m thinking of is how God is working on me.
Too painful…too much for right now.
I did feel better after our talk, and on I went through the next two days.
On Wednesday nights, I attend a women’s Bible study at my church. We’re studying the book of Luke. Easy enough, I thought when I started.
I think someone got confused and thought we were studying the book of Romans. I did a year-long study of that book, and it was rough…very convicting…tough sludge to walk through.
Luke certainly is not the piece of cake I expected. You’re used to reading the Christmas story. The beautiful nativity scene…yada, yada, yada.
Tonight was difficult for me. During our discussion, someone mentioned how it’s easier for us to love and forgive those outside of our family. I commented that it seems so contrary of how things ought to be. It should be easier to forgive those we love and to act kindly toward them, but that’s not the case. I then made the statement that I think the real me is the one others see at work. That’s where I feel free to be my happy self…kind to others…gentle…
The leader of our study turned to me and said, “AuburnChick, I’m about to say something that I hope you won’t find offensive.”
Uh oh…
“The real you is the one at home…the one you perceive in all of its ugliness.”
Tears…
I don’t want that to be me. Could she be right though?
Luke 6:46-49 talks about the wise man who, when preparing to build his home, digs deep before laying the foundation.
I think that, although my faith is firm and unshakable, God is digging deeper. In doing so, he’s got to get rid of the junk that’s currently there.
I gotta tell you that I don’t like it. It’s painful. I will admit that I am stubbornly holding onto those things. But if I do, how can He plant His Word deep into my heart. Space must be made. The icky inside of me must come out, bit by bit. It’s similar to getting a transplant, I guess — exchanging a malfunctioning part for one that works at optimum level. Unlike a transplant patient, someone forgot to give me anesthesia. I’m feeling every poke and prod.
Ouch.
Filed under: This-n-That | Tagged: Christianity |
AuburnChick's Adventures 
God’s changes in our lives are mostly painful & not fun because we do hold so tightly to the things we know – or are comfortable with.
I love what your sister said about a listening ear or advice? Wow – what an insightful sister!!!
When God makes changes to you – you KNOW its for His will which is only going to lead to somethiing amazing!!!!! The end result will be worth it – at least you are AWARE of what’s going on & not dismissing what God is doing in you!
Anxious to see what changes happen in your life – hang in there sister friend!
I’m reminded of something that I heard Joyce Meyer say recently…’Don’t you think that God knew what He was getting into when He came into relationship with you?’ He knows your every fault, your every up and down, every deep and ugly and broken place within you…and He loves you anyway. No matter what. For always.
Look up some of the Bible passages where God talks about pruning trees…why do we prune trees? So they will continue to bear fruit. Just like trees have dormant seasons where we don’t see leaves or fruit or anything exciting going on…that season is necessary so that in the next season, the tree can be bigger and more beautiful with more fruit than ever. Just like trees, God takes different parts of our life and prunes jobs, people, attitudes, whatever…all so that we can grow and be better than ever in due season.
This may be a pruning season and it may even be followed by a dormant season, but your season of bearing more and better fruit is coming, sister. Maybe this is a lesson in patience? I know God has been dealing with me about that for years now — I’m apparently a slow learner in that subject. 🙂
It isn’t God that has a problem with who we are and who we feel like sometimes…it’s us. But if God loves us and accepts us as we are, who are we to criticize ourselves. We are simply a work in progress. You do the best you can with what you have and what you know – keep praying and lean on your sister and all of us that care about you and you’ll heal, learn and grow.
Anything worth having or learning takes time and trouble. I know it is difficult, but you ARE who you ARE. Not perfect and NOT terrible. EVEN THOUGH YOU THINK SO. You are not. You are a human with imperfections who wants to be better. That is all. Everyone gets jealous, angry and is sometimes mean. EVERYONE! that was the whole purpose of our Saviour. What would the worth be if it was for nothing? Or if you weren’t bad? God knows us and knows ALL our faults and He loves us anyway and He gave His Son because of it.
Think of your children AND Their FAULTS. Do you love them less because they have them? NO – you just want them to grow and learn and overcome them. Do you expect them to do it RIGHT NOW AT ONCE? No – you know it takes time and effort and love. YES Love. It takes Our Father’s love and support to help us.
Stay firm and keep on your path. You are not perfect but you are loved.
Thanks, y’all. You are so right. I know that this Christian walk is about becoming more like God. If we approach this task honestly, then pain is involved because it goes against our human nature, which is sinful.
On we plod…