AuburnChick's Adventures

Yeah, yeah…I know…the title does not seem all that surprising since college students are supposed to take exams. Why would I write about something so normal as taking a test?

Well, first of all, this is AuburnChick. Is anything ever routine for her? Of course not. If it was, then she wouldn’t have a need for this blog.

Getting back to the purpose of my story…

You see, the exam I took today was not one of my finals, which I’m scheduled to take tomorrow (Thursday) and Friday. I was the happy-test-taker (not) of the MAPP test. It stands for Measure of Academic Proficiency and Progress. It should stand for Making AuburnChick Pretty Peeved.

First of all, the college I attend requires all students to take this exam before they graduate. It is used to measure students’ general knowledge against those of other university students. So, they require you to take an exam you have no interest in taking just so they can figure out if you really learned anything while you were in school. Plus, they make you pay for the test! And you know what? It’s not pass or fail. It’s a “just-because-I-said-so” test. Something is not right.

Anyhow…the test is timed…two 60-minute sessions…each containing 54 questions. I sit down and begin (by the way, it’s on the computer…thank goodness).

The first few questions involve reading and answering questions. Sound easy? Nope…not for AuburnChick.

Have you ever taken one of these exams where you have to read about topics that absolutely bore you to tears…so much that you zone out while you read the passages? And then the questions are phrased in such a confusing manner that you zone out while trying to decipher the questions? Why can’t they make these questions about something interesting…like the history of knitting? I would have aced those questions. But no…they didn’t ask for AuburnChick’s input before they wrote the test. That would have been too easy.

So, I plod my way through the reading sections, agonizing over each answer. Gotta be perfect, you know. I’m AuburnChick, Knower-of-All-Things, Queen of Google-ing. Only you can’t google the answers this time.

Meanwhile, the clock is ticking.

Tick, tick, tick

Well, okay…clocks don’t really tick anymore, but it’s hard not to look at that tiny thing counting down the minutes. It’s placed in a good spot too — in the right-hand corner of the screen — so you can see it out of the corner of your eye.

Tick, tick, tick

15 minutes left, and I’m only on question 10 of 54. What is up? What is taking so long? Could it be that this test is pointless?

After reading a few reading questions, I proceed to the questions that involve grammar and writing (which, BTW, I’m SURE I’ve aced).

Next, I hit the math section.

Uh, oh. I’m in trouble now. Boy don’t I know it. I am absolutely surprised that I can knit. Knitting involves counting and, sometimes, multiplying.  Somehow, though, knitting and math are logical.  Unlike the questions I faced today.

I managed to answer the first question without any problem. It was 1+1=n. Not a problem. It is a multiple choice test, making this a bit easier. I think the easy question was a trick to lull me into a false sense of security…believing that this would be easy after all.  They slammed me on the next one. And I quote (loosely, of course):

“You want to hang a picture that’s 4″ across on a wall that’s 13″ across. How far from the left side of the wall do you hang the picture?”

I have four answers to choose from. I didn’t see the answer I need: “AuburnChick does NOT hang pictures. That’s Mr. AuburnChick’s job.” This should have been choice D. It’s not there, and I don’t see a place to write in my answer.

Darn.

I use my scrap paper to lay it all out visually. This proves of no use. I’m a poor artist. So, I guess at the answer. Now, it must be said that when I told this story to a co-worker later, she chimes in with, “Oh, all you need to do is blah-blah-blah. Bingo. Answer.”

Yeah, and she’s beautiful too. Why, oh why, didn’t I get brains to go with my beauty?

Sigh.

And that’s how the exam went. For two solid hours. There I sat, alone in a testing room. I’m embarrassed to say that I vented out my frustration to the room, quite loudly too. They should have just brought in a straitjacket to go along with the white walls.

Oh, and one other thing… I got the results immediately. Can you believe that I did better on the math than the writing??? Yeah, it kind of surprised me to. I fancy myself a decent writer. People are actually reading my blog (unless they are hitting my blog to make my stats look good and then leaving real quick). And people are leaving very nice, positive comments (and no…I don’t delete the mean ones…there aren’t any). I was thinking of writing a book…a plan which I must now scrap because of this stupid test that claims that my writing skills are “marginal.” And to think that I could have been the next Jane Austen, Louisa May Alcott, or Tori Spelling (did you know that she just wrote a book?). My name could have gone down as one of the greatest female writers of all time, along with all those women I previously mentioned.  (Please recognize the sarcasm here.)

Sigh…

Anyhow, all that matters is that it’s over. The only math I plan on doing for the next great while is adding up all of my yarn purchases that I’m going to be making in celebration of graduation.

P.S. I was just kidding about the book. I have no intention of doing such a thing! It just made my story better!

Filed under: This-n-That |