AuburnChick's Adventures

Wondering about the title, are you?? I’ve got, what I think at least is, a good story for you today.

All was progressing just fine in AuburnChick’s home this morning. I managed to get up about 20 minutes early, knowing I had to work out of town for the day. So I’m dressed, hunting for my belt, getting ready to settle down with the kids to do devotions. And then it hits me…

Pain…in my tummy area…slowly building.

Hmmm…okay, I think…small tummy ache. A quick trip the bathroom and all is better. Or so I think.

We get through devotions, and I’m starting to feel it again. Pain…in my tummy area…building a little faster this time.

I say to daughter, “Daughter, get Daddy to take you to school today. Mama is going to hang out here for a minute.” Or so I think.

So, I start feeling a bit better and decide to try to go to work. All is well until I start crossing the bridge. Pain…in my tummy area…hurting quite badly…must find a place to stop.

CVS, are you open? Of course not. It’s only 8:05, and it’s the Christmas season, but are you open early??? Of course not. I drive on.

I finally see a gas station that looks like it has an inside bathroom. I rush past the lady stocking sodas and check the door. Women. Good. Wouldn’t want to make this story THAT interesting!

20 minutes later…all is good. Should I proceed. Of course! I’m a dedicated employee. I do not want to let my people down. On I drive.

Oh no…you cannot be serious…again…the pain…in my tummy…building quickly and painfully.

Oh, there’s the brand-new Target. Gonna have nice clean bathrooms…located right in front. Gotta love Target!

So, by now, I’ve figured out that I’m not going to make it in to work…gee, how many stops was it gonna take. I pull out the cell phone (ok…gross, but I’m sick, so who cares).

“Hello, AuburnChick’s husband speaking.”

“I’m stuck in the bathroom in Target. I’m coming home.”

“Are you sure you can’t stay and work?”

That man better be glad he wasn’t where I could throw something at him. I firmly tell him no, and when I peel my bottom off of the potty, I’m taking it on home.

So, I start to go home…get over the bridge…and then…pain…in my tummy…so much more painful than the other times.

I move over to the right lane and notice a cop behind me. Yeah, all I need is to get pulled over right now. I watch my driving while looking out for a place to stop.

Now, in this country of fast food restaurants, where you can find one every 100 feet, don’t you think that I would have easily found one? Of course not! This really isn’t my day. The only thing I see is on the left side of the street. Of course. And I’m in the far right lane on the other side…with a cop behind me. Rats.

I finally decide to make a turn that will take me closer to home. I’m really, really panicking now. The last thing I want to do is clean up the mess that is surely on its way. I’m still not seeing a place to stop…and this is not a big city, mind you…and I’m not being picky.

Oh, look, a dental clinic, with cars in the parking lot! I see a sign that says exit only. Yeah, right. Try making me go around. Dare ya!

I rush in, stick my head all the way through the little hole at the front desk (you know…the one they try to cover up with sliding glass) and beg to use the bathroom, explaining to the entire place that I’m sick, and I don’t have an appointment, but I just really need to use their bathroom. Thank goodness they didn’t think I was crazy…or maybe they did…but they still let me in.

Ahhhh…20 minutes later I sneak out without seeing a soul (did I clear the place out??).

I proceed home with a couple more bouts of severe pain that I am determined to suffer through. I catch every light. Of course. C’mon God. Please…have mercy. Seriously.

I finally, finally made it home and see Mr. AuburnChick’s car in the driveway. Fortunately for him, he steered clear as I set the world record for the 50-yard dash…doubled over at the waist.

Bet you won’t see that at the Olympics!

Filed under: This-n-That |